The Afterlife of Haruhi Suzumiya
by Usayasha
Summary: It's got a lot of genres in it, including Angst, Adventure, Suspense, Humor, Mystery, and Friendship. Alternate Titles: "The Reincarnation of Haruhi Suzumiya and Company", "The Deja Vu of a Demi-God", and "It's a Fanfic, Right? Right?"
1. Chapter 1

**The Afterlife of Haruhi Suzumiya**

**Chapter 1: Every End...**

* * *

I held her in my arms as she pulled at my finger with her tiny little hands. This girl... my daughter, was the most beautiful baby in the world. I looked up from this little bundle of love to see the other love of my life, my wife, who had recovered from giving birth in an hour and had gotten changed and forced her way out of the hospital room, _demanding_ to see her baby. I smiled at her, and walked up to show her our baby.

"You know..." I said to her, "You didn't have to barge right out, I would've brought her in there for you; all you had to do was ask."

"Like I would do that!" she exclaimed, as if I had thrown a dire insult her way. "I don't want my earliest memories of my daughter to be while lying in a stinky, dirty, hospital bed with tears in my eyes just like every other mother in _**HISTORY**__!_ I want every memory of my daughter to be special, just like she is!" While I couldn't help but feel like she was being too enthusiastic about the wrong details, her feelings were in the right place, and it's not like I ever expected her to act any differently. That is to say, I never expected her to act the same as anyone else.

"So you're saying that you want her to be a psychic, time-traveling alien so that she doesn't fit in at school?" As always, I had to be the voice of reason that told my wife exactly how crazy she was. And, as always, my wife said something out of the ordinary. But it was out of _her_ ordinary, so it surprised me.

"I want her to live a normal life however she wants to. If she wants to be a time-traveler, a princess, or even a super-hero, I'll be glad to give it to her. But until then, I'll let her live a normal, peaceful life, so that she'll always have something to come back to when things don't work out. Atleast, until I die, that is."

It was so sensible and caring; I never knew she could act like this. But... this _was_ our daughter's future we were talking about, and she was a mom, of course she would be a little different. Yeah, our daughter will have a peaceful, happy life, living it however she wants to, until the day we die.

_Wait... what!_

"Did you say until you _**DIE!**__"_ I exclaimed, nearly causing our daughter to start crying until we calmed her down and let her fall asleep. Once she was sleeping, I pestered my wife further, but in a partial whisper this time. "Die! You can't die, you're practically God! Reality is at _your_ command! It bends to _your_ will! You don't need to _die!"_ She just looked at me and smiled warmly, then gestured to me for the baby. I gave her our daughter to hold, and she rocked her a little bit, staring lovingly at her face, before responding.

"When our daughter grows up, she'll live a fulfilling, happy life. I know that she will; she has to. And when that life is coming towards an end, she'll die a peaceful death, and I won't be able to handle it. If I keep her alive, she'll suffer losing everyone _she_ loves, too, and pretty soon I'll be keeping the whole world alive just to make myself happy. There will be food shortages and people will starve without dying because the population will just grow and grow, and if I make so that no one has kids anymore, than no one will be able to experience what we are now, and that just isn't fair. Everything dies, so I will too."

I stared at her, taking in what she just said. I knew that she was telling the truth, and that everything she said was right. But I couldn't help but be shocked, it was just so sudden!

"What about all of our time together? What about our experiences, and all of our high school days we used to spend? What about the rest of the S.O.S. Brigade? Yuki, Mikuru, even Itsuki! We all have such fond memories together, memories that we keep ourselves occupied by talking about whenever we get nostalgic or bored! If you die, those memories will die with you! We'll all just... end! I can't take that! I won't!"

I know I was getting a little emotional and mushy, but something just felt wrong! Everything was wrong! I just got a beautiful baby daughter, the beginning of a wonderful future as a father, and now I had to talk about the end of it all as a corpse!

"Kyon." she said, using my old nickname like she always did when she was being serious, "I've made up my mind. Someday, you and I will die together, in a beautiful way, with flowers blowing in the wind and lasers descending upon the field where we eat our picnic..." Boy did she plan things out thoroughly. What were the laser beams for? "Shut up; I'm trying to talk here! Anyways, we'll die together beautifully, and it will be an event to remember for all who see. And our memories together, our very selves, they won't disappear, they'll live on somehow."

"Somehow? What, are you going to dump all of our memories into our little girl's head when we die?"

"NO! Just... trust me, it'll all work out!" I take back what I said about her planning things thoroughly. "Shut up, you're being pessimistic!" No more than usual. But I suppose what she said got to me, in a way. The thought of all of our memories living on somehow, it kind of made me a little happier about facing the future. I looked at our daughter, such a beautiful baby girl, and thought about how our life would go. I knew that what my wife said was right, that everything would work out. It wasn't a hunch or a feeling, it was experience. She was almost always right, and of course she was right this time, too. After all, Haruhi was Haruhi, and she always will be.

Even in death.


	2. Chapter 2

**The Afterlife of Haruhi Suzumiya**

**Chapter 2: ...Is A New Beginning**

* * *

The subject of Santa Clause doesn't really come up too often. Unless it's that time of the year, or someone makes some sort of allusion to him, people just don't normally talk about him. But when they do, there's one conversation that's almost bound to come up eventually; about whether or not he exists. No one really believes in him except for little kids, and even a lot of little kids don't believe in him. I never believed in him in the first place. I don't know why, but I never did; perhaps it was because the first time I learned about him was when I heard people talking about how he's just a superstition and wasn't real. I wasn't going to be some stupid kid that believes whatever he's told, so I decided that I wouldn't believe in him. I even knew that the Santa's that were in the mall or came to visit our preschool were fakes, which made me feel smarter than everyone else. I was one of the grown-ups, I didn't believe in Santa Clause.

Until I saw proof, that is.

I was in preschool, and we were getting a visit from "Santa Clause". I knew that he was a fake, just like the other Santa's I'd seen, so I wasn't expecting much. It was a Wednesday, so I would eventually get a turn to play games on the computer, and that was more exciting to me. When he showed up, I was vaguely impressed; he looked like the real deal. But he could just be an old fat guy, so of course he would look real. I sat in his lap and told him what I wanted, or maybe I told him to his face that I knew he was fake, I'm not sure I remember too well. I got a close look at him and saw that the beard didn't even look fake; most people wouldn't know he was an imposter unless they knew that he didn't exist, so I was impressed once more.

But the real clincher was after he left. I had played on the computer when it was my turn, and now it was recess. I was playing outside with my friends, and had just impressed them by proving that the number 100 did indeed exist; I had just counted to it. One of my friends wasn't there that day, so it was just me and one other boy, along with some girl that had a crush on me. After I exhausted my breath from counting, the girl wanted for us to play house, and the one friend I had that day ran away to avoid it. I just ignored her like always, and started to look up at the sky, leaning against the fence. I don't know what made me look up, but I did, and what I saw shook me to the very core.

Up in the sky, there was something there. It wasn't a plane, it was close enough to see the details and it _definitely _didn't have wings. In the back it was like a square or a rectangle, and in the front it had two rows of what looked like horses all galloping in the air. But I knew it wasn't horses, I knew what it was. I may not have believed in him, but I knew all the stories, the songs, and the fairy tales that I didn't believe in.

It was a sleigh, being pulled by reindeer. And it was flying through the sky. I pointed and yelled for everyone to look. I almost panicked trying to get everyone to see it, to prove that I wasn't crazy or seeing things. They all looked, they all saw it. Undeniable proof that Santa Clause existed, right before our very eyes. From that day on, I never fully doubted another superstition again, no matter how crazy. Except the Tooth Fairy, but the Tooth Fairy is just stupid.

But I digress, the point is... wait, what point was I trying to make, again? I was trying to say something... Uggh, this always happens! I don't know why, but sometimes I just start acting weird for no reason, or get random urges, and they're completely out of character! Well, _sorta_ out of character. I don't really know what I'm supposed to act like, sometimes it seems like I'm not myself, I'm someone else completely, and that someone keeps changing on me! Honestly, how am I supposed to be myself if I can't even tell who that is! They say that the person hardest to understand is yourself, so I guess they're right. But it can't be normal to change so drastically so often; even my _sexuality_ changes, and that is _bound_ to ruin my life at some point. It might as well be dissociative identity disorder, if it weren't for the lack of memory loss.

Anyway, today was my first day at Northward Bound High School. Becoming a freshman and entering high school was exciting, there were so many possibilities! True, there were high chances that I would have a normal high school life which would drive me insane, get me drugged and raped on prom night, or just make me kill myself from lack of friends, but I was going to be hopeful and optimistic! As I got off my bike and locked the chain, I looked up at the building that promised to make me a prime target for supernatural happenings, a high schooler. I walked towards the front entrance and the oddly flat ground made me uneasy... I was used to flat ground for the most part, but why did I feel like there needed to be a hill here? Just another one of those moments, I guess. Or maybe it was because I liked standing on hills? I _did_ have a weird affiliation with standing atop high places and pretending to be some sort of overlord, but this was a little different. Like déjà vu, but it was something that _hadn't_ happened...

That's it, I'm being too angsty. I suppose it comes with being a teenager, but seriously, this is too much! I'm just going to have fun, read some books, and pray for a zombie apocalypse so I can relieve some stress with a chainsaw. But first, I need to make a small circle of friends so that I'll have someone normal to be in on the secret when I get bitten by a radioactive vampire that's high on kryptonite and has a lightning bolt-shaped scar. ...or something along those lines.

Anyway, I walked to my homeroom class and slid my backpack under the desk. The teacher wasn't here yet, so either he wanted to make a dramatic entrance, was a lazy and unreliable bum, or was involved with a conspiracy. I made a mental note of it, in any case. As the seats filled up, I took a look around at the students. There was a girl with long blue hair, which was suspicious. There was also a girl with short, silvery-purple hair, also suspicious. It occurred to me that I was discriminating between people based on hair color when our teacher walked in, just before the bell rang.

All the guys in the room stopped to gap at her, because she was _hot._ I mean damn sexy! I usually ignore physical attractions, and being bisexual (at least for today) meant that I had my pick of the litter, so I had _very_ high standards. And boy, did she meet them! With perfect figure and complexion, beautiful orange-brown eyes, orange hair (I noted that as suspicious later), and a slightly-undone-at-the-top button up shirt over a tight mini-skirt or whatever it's called. She smiled and winked at the class, which made half of the guys almost faint, and the other half sit up straight and stiff. Most of the girls rolled their eyes, except the blue haired girl, who just smiled and giggled. And the silvery haired girl, who was reading. ...aaand another girl who had a similar figure to the teacher, but whose hair was brown at the top and became lighter towards the tips, until it became an unsaturated blonde. _She_ was looking around at people's faces and writing something down. Me... well, as always I didn't know how to react, my feelings were almost always mixed or unusual, so I just did as I often did, and kept it all inside as I looked around, waiting for the teacher to talk.

"Hello, class." She said, her soothing voice causing many to melt into their seats. "My name is Ms. Mikuru Asahina, and I will be your homeroom teacher."

This caused some murmurs in the classroom.

"She's Asian? No way, her jugs are bigger than mine!"

"Asahina? More like Ass-ahina!"

"You mean we have to endure all of the guys going gaga over this woman _everyday? _And here I was hoping she was a substitute."

"This should be interesting! Tee hee~!"

"BOOBIES!"

"Shut up, you're such a _boy!"_

"Humans are _so_ weird."

"..."

I looked up suddenly and tried to find who made the human comment, but I couldn't tell who it was, and I didn't know anyone's voice except the people that went to middle school with me last year, and it wasn't one of them.

"Now, now, class. Please settle down." The talking continued.

"Class!" she said a little louder, which didn't get them to quite down at all.

She looked like she was about to snap, but then she calmed down and muttered to herself, just _barely_ loud enough for us to hear, "If these kids don't shut up soon I am _so_ getting a breast reduction."

That got the guys to shut up, which was most of the noise anyway. I silently laughed to myself that they were so easy to manipulate, and the girl that was observing earlier seemed to be laughing a little bit, too.

"That's better." She said, smiling to herself. "As I said, I am your homeroom teacher, and I'll be handing out report cards, schedule changes, newsletters, and other such things as the year goes on. I also teach physics, if any of you are taking that, but it isn't a freshman level course, so I highly doubt that. Anyways, I'm about to call role; when I call your name, please stand up and tell me if you have any nicknames you prefer, and then tell the rest of the class a little bit about yourself. Now let's begin, Ryoko Asakura!"

The blue-haired girl stood up and introduced herself, saying that she had no preferred nickname but we were free to call her what we liked. She looked like a happy, preppy school-girl to me, and that's probably what she was. I dismissed the blue hair as a quirk of hers and continued analyzing my class mates, looking for anyone suspicious. Except for a few, they all looked normal. But those few were enough to get me hyped; my school year was already looking to be exciting! I ignored most of the other people who's names were called, until she called the girl that was reading.

"Yuki Nagato!"

The silvery-purple haired girl stood up, and in a few short words stated that she liked to read, and that she had no aliases. I made a short note that she was suspicious, but could possibly be nothing more than an introvert. As she called names, she finally got to the S's, and I got myself ready to say what I had been planning for half a summer. Before it was my turn, the observer girl got hers.

"Kelly Simpson."

She stood up and introduced herself, saying that she liked cooking and people watching, and was a writer. She preferred the nickname Karri.

The teacher called my name, and I stood up dramatically.

"You may call me Bunny Boy, as does everyone else!" I shouted, giving her the name I had acquired in middle school. "I have no time for ordinary humans! But, if any of you are mutants, psychics, or a sentient nonhuman species, please come and see me! _**That is all!**__"_


	3. Chapter 3

**The Afterlife of Haruhi Suzumiya**

**Chapter 3: Feeling A Little Haruhi, Today?**

* * *

"_You may call me Bunny Boy, as does everyone else! I have no time for ordinary humans! But, if any of you are mutants, psychics, or a sentient nonhuman species, please come and see me! __**That is all!**__"_

I sat down with a serious look on my face, and it took all the will power I could muster not to look around. I had to let them know that I was serious, and I had to make an impression so that the normal people would gossip and tell their secretly not normal friends. It was all a masterful plan, and it would _work_, god-dammit!

The teacher just smiled and giggled a bit, as if she knew this was coming, and then continued with the role. I glared at her for a bit in indignation, and then gave up. How _dare_ she not take me seriously! Hot or not, she was going on my blacklist! As soon as I had the means to get rid of her...

When the role was done, the teacher gave us free time to talk amongst ourselves while she put it into her computer and made notes about what we had said. I took that as a chance to start looking around to see if anyone would come up to me. No one did, but there was a lot of gossiping going on.

"What's with all of the Asian people in our class? And why don't any of them look Asian!"

"They look like they could be anime characters, and _that's_ Japanese."

"You actually watch that stuff? Man, I pity you..."

I blushed to myself when I overheard that; I was a secret Japanophile, so the comment slightly embarrassed me.

"So, she likes cooking and writing, eh? And she's got a hot body. That Kelly girl looks like she'd make a fine girlfriend."

"Dude you _do not_ want to get involved with her. She's a monster, a pure demon. She used to beat up kids that bothered her, and it's said that her first words were, 'I will not co-operate.' She is one scary person. And that's not even _mentioning_ the mysterious deaths and illnesses that befall her family and those around her! She gave some guy a heart attack by flinging water at him, _she is not normal!"_

"Yipes, I guess I'd better find a different girl, then."

I was intrigued; Karri seemed like the _perfect_ person to befriend. Mysterious deaths, a suppressed and scary personality, and just plain not normal. If no one comes up to me, she'll be my first target.

"So what's with this Bunny Boy kid? He's _sooo_ adorable, don't you think? The way he looks is perfect, and he takes himself so seriously, I just wanna squeal!"

"_Woooah _girl, you don't wanna go there. That kid isn't just bipolar; he's tetrapolar with a dash of apathy. He's one way one day, and another the next, but never is he normal. Besides, you heard him! That kid is delusional and psychotic; it's safest to stay away."

"I know... but he's just so cute!"

Personally, I was offended by that. She was right, but I am _more_ than just a pretty face! While I was pretty much used to what her friend said about being too weird, and I was even a little proud of my status as as an unusual outcast, I'd heard it so often that it didn't even matter to me anymore.

"So, Yuki, this looks like it'll be plenty interesting!"

"..."

"He seems to share traits with Suzumiya-san, but he looks _much _easier to manipulate! If all works out, we should be able to get what Suzumiya-san couldn't give to us!"

"...correct."

I wondered who they were talking about? It was the blue-haired Ryoko and bookworm Yuki, they seemed to know each other. Perhaps they were relatives? That would explain the hair, and the fact that they both had Japanese names. They sounded familiar, I wonder why? Oh look, someone's coming!

I grumbled a bit when two perfectly normal looking teenage boys walked up to me and looked like they were going to say something. But I figured I would let them talk, because _of course _mutants and the like would look like perfectly normal people, or else it would be all over the news and such.

"Hi there!" said the smaller one of them, "My name is Kaiba Kunikida! Oh, but I guess you already heard when the teacher called role..." I waited for him to get to the point. "Umm... well... I'm not anything abnormal; I'm just a regular human..." And there goes my interest in this conversation. "But I kinda wanted to be friends with you, because you're so... you looked like fun! So... are we friends? Oh, and this is my cousin, Terry."

"Terry Taniguchi; nice to meet you!" He extended his hand for a hand shake, and I looked up and down him and his cousin. Terry looked like an idiot, but he would do in case I needed anyone for hard labor. And Kaiba... he looked like the ideal person to sell into sexual slavery, or atleast force into adorable costumes.

I put that thought aside for later consideration as I extended my own hand to shake Terry's, and gave one of my world-class fake smiles. "I'm glad that you two want to be my friends, thank you!" Kunikida was in the palm of my hand, he thought I was completely sincere. But Taniguchi wasn't so easily fooled... Well, he was, but it seemed like he had enough practice with his little boy cousin that he knew how to resist the big brother urge to protect the vulnerable at all cost from any danger whatsoever. Atleast I could pull the friend card later, if need be. He seemed like the loyal type.

"So..." Kaiba started, apparently with something on his mind, "Why is your nickname Bunny Boy? Is there a story behind it?"

I sighed; I should have known this was coming. "Yes, Kaiba, there is a story, would you like to hear it?" Kaiba and Terry, who were sitting in the desks next to mine, now, scooted closer and nodded. It wasn't much of a story, but I began telling it anyways. " It all started three years ago, on Hollow's Eve. We were allowed to come to school in costume, and I wanted to do something special and unique. So I came as a _playboy bunny_." Both of their jaws dropped, expectedly. "I made some modifications before wearing it, of course, and I made it look less feminine, but you could still tell what it was." They still looked shocked, even after I told them what I considered perfectly rational information to calm them down. "It was just a publicity stunt, it's not like I _actually_ want to work at the Playboy Mansion. I was just looking for attention, is all." I said, hoping that they would respond somehow. They didn't.

"So..." I said, shifting the focus of the conversation, "What's the story with _your_ names? Both of your names are obviously Japanese in origin, but Kaiba's first name is Japanese and Terry's is English. What's up with that?"

It took a moment for him to recover, but Kaiba was able to answer my question while Terry still looked shocked. "Oh, you recognized that were both Japanese? I'm impressed, most people just think 'Asian' and don't realize that there are different countries, much less tell them apart. Well both of our fathers are from Japan, somewhere around Osaka, and they were even friends in high school, as were our grandparents. Terry's dad married my aunt, which is why we're cousins. My dad was a historian and got a well paying job at a university here, and he even offered a place for my aunt and uncle to stay when my uncle was let off from work due to budget cuts. They eventually both got jobs here, but my dad lost his position to someone else who was supposedly 'world renown' as a historian. My dad got a job here as a teacher and then met my mom. Terry's parents wanted him to have a more American name so that he would fit in, but my mom convinced my dad to give me a Japanese one to retain my heritage, because she said it's something to be proud of. And that's that."

I was impressed. It looked like there was actually a story behind these two, and they suddenly seemed like they had real personalities and lives, as opposed to some two-dimensional cardboard cutouts that I could use as background material. I honestly thought that any normal human must have been a boring person to blend into the crowds, so normal humans having personalities and lives surprised me.

...unless they weren't normal! Either they were keeping it a secret, or they had as-of-yet untapped powers that were waiting to be unlocked. Best to keep an eye on them, even _they _didn't know their potential! Besides, Kaiba looked like he would be fun to play dress-up with. But, just because they had potential, it didn't mean that I should worry too much. I'll keep them around, try to avoid scaring them _too_ much, while still having my fun, and then I'll see what they reveal about themselves.

They started talking and tried to get to know me. They didn't know my habit of changing personalities at random, so I simply told them I was moody and acted weird, which they said was perfectly normal and that they didn't care. As long as they didn't treat me like an escaped mental patient, like usual, I was fine with that. They both came from the same school as Karri, so I asked about her.

"Whoa man, you like _her?_ Sorry, but you'd better try you luck with someone else, that girl is scary! They say she's a vampire that avoids sunlight at all costs! And that her first words were-"

"I heard, Taniguchi." I said to him, a little annoyed. "And I don't _like_ her or anything, she merely sparked my interest. It's not every day that flinging water at someone can give them a heart attack."

"Oh..." he said, surprised. "Well... I suppose that makes sense... are you sure you're a teenager? Cause teenagers are supposed to talk about girls they think are _hot_, not... _interesting_. I mean... that's not normal, dude. You're kinda weird..."

"Atleast _I_ could actually _get_ a girlfriend, if I was so inclined. Now answer me, man-slave!"

"Say what? I'm not your slave! You have no right to boss me around, who do you think you are!"

"As far as you're concerned, **I AM YOUR GOD.**"

The argument would have gone on longer, but the teacher took a seat next to us in on of the empty desks (the majority of the class was avoiding my area, just like old times) and smiled, making the three of us momentarily forget our names and why we were fighting.

"I gotta say, you three look like you're having fun!" she said, making me snap back to reality and realize what a horrible, manipulative woman she was. I'd better be careful not to fall into her trap! "You know, Kaiba, you look _exactly_ like your father, do you get that often?" Kunikida blushed a little, that damn woman was taking away my plaything from right under my nose!

"Uh... Umm... Uh... We-well... ummm... kinda... sometimes... I guess? Uhh... yeah... " If my life were an anime (which I vaguely suspect that it is) my hair would be boiling in rage right now!

"And you look your dad, too, Terry-bear!" she said to him, making him practically swoon, and he face looked so steamy I expected it to blast off like a rocket. Okay, I admit that I didn't care much what she did with him, but the fact that I had already claimed him sent me into throes of rage!

"And you, Mr. _Bunny Boy_," she said, giggling a bit, "remind me of an old friend of mine from high school. Actually, since these two do the same thing, this little group is like a trip down Memory Lane for me!"

I glared at her for a few more seconds before responding acidly. "So what was this friend of yours like, Ms. Asahina?"

"Oh, she was great! She would always find me interesting outfits to wear, she taught me how to brew and serve tea, she even let me be in a movie for her, once!" Kaiba and Terry were wide-eyed that she was an actress, but I couldn't help but notice it sounded almost bittersweet, like she was about to cry from a scary dream. "She was really headstrong and could make anyone do whatever she wanted. She always had to be in charge, and she was perfect at almost everything. She loved anything that she considered 'interesting', and from what I hear, gave a very similar introduction on her first day of freshman year." I was intrigued. She sounded just like me when I was having one of _these_ days, so I made another mental note. I'd better start writing these down, or I'll forget them all later.

"Woops," said Ms. Asahina, "Looks like class is almost half over, I'd better hand out the student handbooks and all that, have fun with your first day of school, kids!" She got up and walked to her desk, winking at us.

It was then that I noticed all of the other guys in the room were glaring at us with jealousy, so I figured I'd pull a stunt to shock them into looking away. Or atleast shock them into something, I needed to make a name for myself _somehow_.

"Hey Kaiba..." I said to Kunikida as he stared at our teachers swaying hips while she walked to her desk. Needless to say, he didn't respond. "_Hey Kaiba._..!" I said a little more forcefully, which got his attention. The fact that she had sat down probably helped, too.

"Yeah...?" he said, looking at me without changing his dreamlike expression. It irritated me.

"I have something in my bag I wanna show you, but I want it to be a surprise, can you cover your eyes for a sec?"

"Sure..." He said, putting his hands over his eyes. I smiled wickedly as I pulled out my backpack from underneath my desk and unzipped it. I was glad that I always came to school prepared for any occasion, because this was gonna be fun. I held the two items in my hands and was about to advance when one of the girls shouted.

"Look out, he's got cat ears!"

Whoever said that was going to die slowly and painfully. Kunikida uncovered his eyes and said, "Huh?" while I pounced on him and tried to force the cat ears and cat tail onto him. "Stop it!" he yelled, trying to force me off, but my physical prowess was too great for his moe body to push off.

"C'mon!" I said, still trying to force the accessories on him, "It's just cosplay!"

"I don't like cats!"

"Don't you wanna be a virgin?"

"**_Yes_**, now please get off!"

"It'll only take a sec, they'll look cute!"

"Hey, where do you think you're putting your hands!"

"Well the tail has to go _somewhere_."

"Ouch, the safety pin stabbed me!"

"Then stop squirming, it'll be less painful for you _and_ me!"

"Hey, what do cat ears have to do with taking off my shirt, let go!"

"It'll all be easier if you give in, I brought the full costume!"

"_NOOOOOOOooooooo...!"_

I continued with my attack as the rest of the class stared dumfounded. I don't know who, but someone started cheering me on, and then someone else was cheering for Kaiba, and it turned into a spectator sport as Kaiba and I thrashed on the ground while I forced the cosplay onto him. If anyone had walked in, they would have thought we were fighting, "_mano et feline" _as it were. Ms. Asahina just smiled knowingly and silently offered her prayers to Kaiba, but did nothing to intervene.

_What a great way to start off school._


	4. Chapter 4

**The Afterlife of Haruhi Suzumiya**

**Chapter 4: Just Your Average Kyon**

* * *

"I'm off to school, mom!" I yelled as I ran out the door with the house keys in one hand and my breakfast in the other. I waited for the bus to arrive at my bus stop, and then I was off to higher learning.

It was the first day of my second week at school, and I felt fairly... normal. I wasn't acting the way I did on the first day of school anymore; I was acting like your average high school guy.

Like every time I had a mood change, my sexuality changed, too. Today I felt straight. I felt like girls were hot and guys were not. This was rare for me, but not unheard of. The normal me rarely got any time in the spotlight, and it rarely lasted more than two days or so, so I decided to savor every moment.

I noticed about last year that my unusual mood swings tended to have patterns, when I acted one way, multiple traits about myself would change drastically. I had started taking notes about my moods this previous summer, and it occurred to me only now to start naming them.

I started with my normal mood, the one I was feeling today. I thought about it, and it didn't take long to pick the name Average Mode. I was feeling perfectly average, so the name worked fine.

I then thought about last week, how I had been imposing my will upon the students and didn't take orders from anybody. I was perfect academically and physically, and I even acquired a few worshippers. Then, the name God Mode hit me.

So far I had God Mode and Average Mode for the names of my five noted personalities. What should I name the others?

"Good morning class, how was your week-end?" Ms. Asahina asked, interrupting my thoughts. I then noticed that I had been on autopilot and gone all the way to class, even taking a seat and placing my backpack under my desk, without realizing at all. I looked around to see if anyone had noticed. Nope, no one was out of sorts. But a few were casting nervous glances at me, like they were expecting something. I suppose I had brought it upon myself.

Sigh...

"Today I'll be handing out permission sheets for the school computers. If you want to use them, you'll have to have these signed and brought back by Wednesday. Any later and you'll have to go through the front office to turn it in, as I won't be accepting them. Here they are, and if you happen to lose yours, I have a few extra copies. Other than that, there's nothing else I have to hand out. Have fun studying or finishing your homework, class." Then she muttered to herself, "Because _ofcourse_ you never do it at home." Stacks were handed to the people sitting at the front of each row of desks, and they passed the stacks back until everyone had a copy.

When they were all handed out, Kaiba and Terry left their seats and came to sit by me. "So, BB..." Terry said, using the ridiculous nickname he had made for my... err, nickname, "What's with you today? No ridiculous orders? No crazy schemes? No yelling or cosplay? Something seems off, man. Are you okay?" I shook my head; I didn't want to bother explaining my wild mood swings to him.

"Did you have a rough week-end?" asked Kaiba, with a worried look on his face.

"I'm fine, Kunikida." I said, giving him a soft smile. He was so cute, like a son or a little brother. Why had I tried to harass him last week? I stared at him a minute to see if I could draw up the feelings I had felt, and they slowly bubbled up. I quickly put a cap on them, and made sure I didn't feel them too strongly. I didn't want to end Average Mode prematurely, and it probably terrified him and broke multiple laws when I was in God Mode around him. It'd be best to avoid that. If only I could somehow turn God Mode off. Forever.

"You know," he said, "you don't have to be so formal or anything. I know you're respecting my heritage and culture and all, but it's fine if you want to call my Kaiba."

I blinked a few times and stared at him. Had I called him by his last name? I hadn't even noticed. But... it just felt weird otherwise.

"I'm sorry Kuniki- ...err, Kaiba. I hadn't noticed I was doing that. I'll stop." It felt so awkward to call him by his first name for some reason, why was that? I'd done it before... And why did I feel like we'd been friends for years, instead of days?

"You're effing weird, you know that?" said Terry.

"Shut up Taniguchi, I'm not in the mood." Again, that odd feeling, like I had done this all before; like we'd been best friends forever. Déjà déjà vu... And did I call him by his last name, too?

Before the silence had a chance to turn awkward, Ms. Asahina walked up and sat down beside us, like she has done a few times before. "Hey Kaiba, I have your new schedule, they fixed the problem with your science class." She handed him a slip of paper. "But are you sure you don't wanna take Physics, yet? It'd be great if you could be in one of my classes other than this one, even if it's a mix-up."

"No thank you, I'm fine." said Kaiba, shaking his head. No one had been able to get over their crush on Ms. Asahina, and most still had trouble talking to her, but Kaiba had a bit of practice, and could even speak to her without stuttering! The blush on his face was inevitable, though.

"Well, if you say so. I guess I'll be seeing you in two years, if I'm still teaching by then." And with that, Ms. Asahina got up and walked to her desk.

Everyone knew what that meant, and Kaiba tensed noticeably, ready to flee at a moment's notice. The rest of the class became silent, and all eyes were focused on Kunikida and I. One person even started getting people to place bets. It was a tradition that had started in a week, but everyone knew the drill. When Ms. Asahina leaves her Memory Lane, or when homeroom was half over, it was time for me and Kaiba to play dress-up.

Though I honestly didn't feel like it today, and I didn't do anything. I sat there and tried to think of something to talk about when Kaiba gave in to curiosity.

"Umm... sir?" he started nervously, hoping that politeness might somehow save him, "Are... umm... you wouldn't happen to have plans to... you know... try out a new cosplay on me, would you?"

"I brought the outfit but I don't really want to dress you up. Why? Do you _want_ to put something on? Because I can give you the costume and you can go change in the bathroom."

The entire class was shocked. Expressions of disbelief and fear washed over the class, as everyone thought; _has he gone crazy!_ Some even took it a step further and thought; _has he gone **sane!**_

I looked around and shook my head. They didn't honestly think I would be that way ALL the time, did they?

The rest of the class went on a bit quieter than usual. The other kids took a few minutes, but they quickly got over the fact that I wasn't my usual self and went on to either discuss it amidst themselves or talk about something else completely.

Taniguchi, Kunikida, and I just talked about random, normal stuff. School, classes, girls, that stuffy kind of stuff. They seemed to enjoy it, and I sort of did, too. It was nice, and relaxing. But it didn't last long.

The bell rang, and most of the students went to their next classes. I got my backpack out from under my desk and was about to leave, too, when I noticed someone standing in my way. I'd seen her before, and I'd paid special attention, too. But until now, until this very second, I hadn't felt what I was feeling now. These emotions were strong, and they made a core part of me. They were based in the deepest of instinct.

Fear.  
The most primal fear possible.

"Hello there. As you may know, my name is Ryoko Asakura, and I'm running for student class president. I was wondering if you wouldn't mind helping with my campaign. You have such a charisma about you, and I can't help but feel like we're meant to know each other, somehow. _Teehee~!_"

Something told me that I didn't have long to live.


	5. Chapter 5

**The Afterlife of Haruhi Suzumiya**

**Chapter 5: Déjà Déjà Vu**

* * *

What was that...? I had run out of the room as fast as possible, and I hadn't seen Asakura for the rest of the day, but why was I filled with this terrible fear? Even now, lying in my bed at 11:00 pm, the thought of Ryoko Asakura evoked images of blood and blades. Knives, long and deadly spears, and desks flying at me from all over; it was like a waking nightmare that would never leave my mind.

I didn't get a wink of sleep that night. Every time I closed my eyes, I saw her smiling face, and felt the blood of a familiar stranger splatter onto me. Who was that? Why did she want to kill me? How do I even know that she does?

The next morning I was tired from lack of sleep. My mother wanted to know if I was alright, and I told her it was just a bad dream. I ate my breakfast and took a shower before going to the bus stop.

I rode to school, looking out the window at the passing scenery. I thought about the hallucinations, the unusual fear. I wish I was in God Mode; I _love_ this kind of stuff when I'm like that. Why me? Why now? I'm just an average guy, I didn't ask for any of this; atleast, not right now.

I got off the bus and wandered to homeroom. I got there a little early, but I didn't care. No one was in there except the teacher at her desk, so I just laid my head down and want to sleep. I was too tired to think, so the images didn't come over me.

Taniguchi woke me up and told me that it was time to go to the next class. I had slept through homeroom, all thirty minutes of it. More, if you considered the extra time before it had started. I stumbled out of the classroom like a zombie, and Kunikida brought me my bag, which I had left under my desk. I thanked him quietly and walked towards my locker, still half asleep. I put my bag in there and got my binder and textbooks out. It was time for my math class, and we were having our first test of the year.

* * *

It was World History, the last class of the day, and I was finally awake. Mr. Kunikida, who turned out to be Kaiba's father, was my teacher, and he was everyone's favorite. The girls all loved him because he was cute, smart, and looked young for his age, while everyone else liked his classes because they were easy and entertaining. It was hard to believe he was an ex-college professor with such easy classes, but at the same time, no one doubted it. His class was on a timeline, so he was still teaching about early humanity.

"The oldest known human remains were found in Africa and are about 200,000 years old. But there has been a recent study on a different pair of fossils found in the Ethiopian region, and they appear to be 235,000 years old. That is _much_ older than originally believed." He turned around from the whiteboard he had been writing on and faced the class. "Discoveries like this are common in the study of history, and almost every science. People always learn new things that shoot down old theories, and as these new things become standard belief, they, too, are proven to be far from the mark. That is the way humans are. I told you, on the second day of school, that history is studied so that it can be learned from. Here is your first lesson: nothing is set in stone. Though there is only one truth, you can never know if what you believe is reality. No evidence is faultless, no matter what you may think."

I was glad that I woke up for this. What he said was practically a word for word rendition of my personal credo. Humanity has always proven itself wrong, so you never know if what you believe is true. Or if what you don't believe in is false. There are things that humans don't understand, and though I don't know what they are, I know that there are plenty of things in this world that humanity has been wrong about. Things that can only be called paranormal. I'm going to find those things someday, and I'm going to have the time of my life enjoying them.

Huh... usually I only thought of this kind of stuff in God Mode. Was I in God Mode? I looked around to see if I could find another boy to test my sexuality on. None of them caught my interest, so I wasn't in God mode or that other one. I guess I'm only partially in God More, or maybe Average Mode liked this kind of stuff as well? Oh well, no reason to worry about it.

* * *

When class was over, I went to my locker to get my backpack and call my step-dad for a ride home. I always take the bus in the morning, but since my step-dad usually got off from work early enough to pick me up whenever I needed him to, I could stay after school for the clubs. None of them really interested me, so I wasn't in any, but I had tried some of them out during the first week, and had gotten in the habit of having him pick me up.

As I pulled out my backpack, I noticed a note taped to the back of my locker. It was behind my bag, so it must have been there since before I put my bag in. I pulled it off my locker and read it to myself:

_I want to talk to you, please meet me in Ms. Asahina's room after school.  
P.S. It's very important to me. Please make it._

The handwriting was neat and pretty, definitely a girl's. That could only mean one thing...

A love confession.

Great, a high school girl's silly crush was_ just_ what I needed. I tried to think about what kind of girl would have a crush on me. The neat handwriting probably meant someone who likes to look good and writes often enough to have worked out such a pretty font. Perhaps it was that, mixed with the fact that it mentioned Ms. Asahina, that I suddenly thought of my hottie of a teacher.

It was a younger version of her, about high school age. She was cute and nervous, and had a wide variety of costumes. I loved those costumes, even if I pretended not to. The way she acted... it seemed a little different from the Asahina I knew today. She was much less confident, and maybe a little more... innocent? She reminded me of Kunikida with how cute she was, but acted differently. She acted more like... me. Only when I was in a certain mood, but that mood was _definitely _how I would describe her. I think I have a name for it now. Asahina Mode.

No, that doesn't sound right. What was her first name again? Mikuru. Mikuru Mode! Perfect! Mikuru Mode, God Mode, and Average Mode, only two names left to go! I guess I'll do those later, I'd better see about this love confession, first.

* * *

I opened the door to Ms. Asahina-san's room. She had passed me by in the hallway and whispered, "Good luck." to me, then patted my shoulder and gave me a wink. The girl must have asked her to leave the room, how sweet.

When I opened the door, no one was there. I walked in and looked around, but I didn't see anyone.

...until I heard the door close.

I spun around only to see my worst nightmare. Ryoko Asakura was standing in front of the door, smiling at me with her permanent smile.

"Hello there." She said, still smiling and not leaving from in front of the door. "Thank you for coming, I'm so very glad you could make it."

Fear bubbled up, but I did my best to quell it. Panicking would do no good now, and I had no proof that she wanted to kill me in the first place.

"I need your advice on something..." she said, with her usual smile turning into a worried frown. "Tell me, if there was something you wanted with all of your heart, something more important than anything else, something that was almost the very purpose of your life, what means would you use to get it?"

"I'm sorry?" I said confusedly, "Could you please clarify?"

Her frown turned into a smirk. "If the meaning of your life was in someone else's hands, would you ask for that person's help? Even if it meant hurting them...?"

"I'm sorry." I said again, still not understanding, "Are you talking about politics or something?" I guess my theory about a love confession was off. Or maybe she was just really round-a-bout when it came to these sort of things.

"Silly Bunny Boy..." she said, using my nickname affectionately. "Perhaps I should put it this way. I need your help. And I'll do anything to get it." She pulled a knife from out of her pocket, and pointed it at me, smiling and giggling.

"Wait, Asakura-san!" I yelled, the panic coming back, "You don't need to do this! Please!"

"Oh, come now, Kyon, you of all people should know how much I want this."

"No I don't, I don't know anything! And stop calling me by that stupid nickname, my name is-!" I stopped. My... my nickname wasn't Kyon... I'd never heard that name before in my life. Why did I respond? And... was I speaking _Japanese_? _**What the hell was going on?**_

"So, you've noticed." she said, her smile still plastered onto her face. "I hope you've realized just how wrong you were about yourself. You aren't who you thought you were, you're someone much more important." I suddenly noticed that the door behind her was gone, and the wall was growing... spikes? No, knives, just like the one she was holding. The were growing menacingly out of the wall, and all of them were aimed at me. "You have what I want, and I'll do anything to get it. No matter how much blood you have to lose in the process. Now do my a favor and cover your neck, I might accidentally puncture it."

With that, she lunged at me, the knives shooting from the wall and flying towards me, right beside her. I was going to be skewered, I was going to die!

**"STOP!" **I yelled, my voice cracking, while tears built up and forced me to close my eyes to get rid of them, "I'll do anything you ask, I'll give you whatever you want, just _please, **don't hurt me!**_**"**

A few seconds passed, and everything was silent, except for the sobs of fear that would occasionally escape from my lips. I opened my eyes, and through my tears, I saw Ryoko standing in front of me, her knife pointed at me, and the hundred other knives were all floating in the air around her, pointing in my direction. It was frightening, and I could help but think, in te back of my mind, "Why didn't anyone save me?"

"I'm glad we could come to an agreement." she said, her smile even wider than usual. "And thank you in advance for doing your best to help me and my companions; we've wanted this for quite a long time." Her eyes seemed to turn vacant, and she mouthed inaudible words at high speeds, as the door came back and the knives dissolved into sparkling dust.

"And remember, no take-backsies! _Teehee~!"_


	6. Chapter 6

**The Afterlife of Haruhi Suzumiya**

**Chapter 6: The S.O.S? Brigade**

* * *

Today was bound to be entertaining. Ryoko had told me that we were going to form a club to help reach her goal, and that _I_ was the head of said club. She didn't tell me what it was about, or how it would help her "goal", but apparently it would, and I was forced to take part.

Luckily, I was in the right mood to deal with it. I called it Spy Mode, because I became an expert liar, and I felt like I had some sort of secret agenda. I didn't know what it was, but I had it, and I could only compare myself to some sort of secret agent, or a spy from a top secret conspiracy. And I just felt _so_ suave and sexy, as if I were James Bond.

"How would you like your waffles, sweetie?" my mom asked, as she sat at the stove.

"Some powdered sugar would be nice. Thank you for making waffles again, Mom." I didn't really feel like eating something sugary, but adults thought that kids eating sugar was sweet, and I could handle a little sweetness if it meant getting on someone's good side.

"You're such a sweet kid." My mother said, predictably. She really liked to dote on me, and sometimes she would suddenly get in the mood to do something nice and unnecessary. I suppose it's normal, since she didn't get to see many people on a regular basis, what with being paralyzed from the waist down in that accident. I guess not having anywhere to go can make a mom lonely. It was too bad that I had to go to school, my mom was one of the few people that I didn't hate on any level, and wouldn't mind spending more time with. She was just so... caring.

* * *

When homeroom started, Ms. Asahina told us that there was going to be an Open House one week from now, and that all of the classes and clubs were going to show everyone exactly what they were about and how they had started their year. I couldn't care less, but it occurred to me that Asakura's club... correction, _my_ club, was going to have to do something for it.

When she finished her announcement, Kaiba and Terry walked up to me. I was suddenly filled with disgust and anger, and **did not **want to talk to them. If either of them says a single word, I swear, I will-

"Good morning, Bunny Boy." Kunikida said. "Are you feeling better today?"

"Good morning, Kaiba, I'm feeling wonderful~!" I said with a smile so fake it could rival Asakura's. I guess I didn't have it in me to tell them how I really felt. It could be worse, I _could_ want to murder them.

"That's great!" Kaiba said, returning my fake smile with a real one. Apparently it hadn't hit him that my feeling better meant him wearing cosplay. Spy Mode was, unfortunately, so sexually ambiguous that even _I _couldn't tell which way it swung. But I seemed to like doing stuff that would make me happy to remember when I'm in God Mode, so it could sort of be thought of as God Mode's yes-man, or slave. Or stalker, in a sense.

"So..." Terry started, "The class has been a little worried about you. If you wanna prove that you're feeling better, why don't you try to do something like you normally would, like forcing Kaiba into an embarrassing costume?"

At that moment, I understood the exact relationship between Terry and Kaiba. Terry was a big brother figure. Not only did he protect the child-like Kunikida, he enjoyed tormenting him. And I had become another means with which to mete out his torture. Go Terry!

One moment after "that moment", Kaiba realized what Terry had said, and ran to the other side of the classroom, ready to flee for his life.

"Now, now..." I said in a tone to settle Kaiba down. "Don't worry yourself. I've decided not to do that sort of thing anymore. I won't do anything that makes you uncomfortable or embarrassed, I'm a changed man! Honest!"

Kaiba was a little wary, but my fake smile coerced him into a false sense of security. When he finally sat down, I scooted next to him to the point that our shoulders were touching. "So, now that you've joined us again, what do you want to talk about?"

"I suppose anything is fine," he said, "but would you please give me a little space? You're really close, and it's a little awkward."

"Sure thing~!" I said, scooting away. It was fine, I had done what I needed; the paper was on his back.

* * *

"Hey, Bunny Boy?" Kaiba asked, about halfway through class, "Is there something on my back? I can swear I feel something when I shift around."

"I didn't see anything." I said, reaching down and unzipping my backpack. "Are you sure there's something there?"

"Yeah," he said, "and it's bothering me." Some of the students were stifling giggles and laughter. Kaiba reached over his shoulder to see if he could find what was on his back, while I pulled out my camera and placed it on my desk. He pulled off the piece of paper I had taped to his back and read it to himself.

_Baby Panda or Cowboy?_

_Place your bets __NOW__!_

He stared at the paper in confusion as I pulled out the panda ears and movie make-up.

"Looks like it was Baby Panda." I said loud enough for the class to hear. "My apologies to all of you who bet otherwise, but thank you for the donations regardless."

_"NOOOOOOoooooo__...!" _Kaiba's screaming could be heard throughout the building, and everyone knew that Bunny Boy was back in business.

* * *

School was over, and it was time to see Ryoko about the club she wanted me to form. We were meeting in Ms. Asahina's room, which was almost like an official headquarters, now. When I got there, I saw three people waiting for me, Ryoko Asakura, Yuki Nagato, and Ms. Asahina herself.

"Hello, Brigade Chief." Asakura said to me, smiling with her usual fake smile.

"Hello, subordinate." I said, returning her fake smile with my own. There was obvious tension, but it only seemed to come from my side of the room.

"I think you deserve to be filled in." she said happily. "For starters, we are forming a club, and you are going to be leader." She paused, expecting a comment, then continued when it was apparent that I had none. "The club is called the Science or Science-Fiction? Brigade, or S.O.S? Brigade for short. We will be investigating various rumors about unusual happenings, and proving them either right or wrong." I felt kind of excited, but I kept it from showing. It appeared that no matter what mood I was in, I liked supernatural stuff more than anything. "Since all clubs need atleast five members and a teacher sponsor, we will need two more members. Ms. Asahina has kindly agreed to sponsor us..." Ms. Asahina took this chance to smile at me and get my spirits up, "...and my dear friend, Yuki, has agreed to help out by joining." She was staring at me with an open book in her hand, but said nothing and made no actions to acknowledge that she was being talked about.

"So..." I said to her, "Why do you want me to be chief, and how do you propose to get more members?"

"There's a very special reason we want you to be Brigade Chief." she said, but didn't actually tell me what the reason was, "And as for the two other members, we need _you_ to get them for us."

I stared at her for a few seconds. "_Me?"_ I asked incredulously.

"Of course you." she said, her permanent smile never leaving her face. "But before you go to search, I need you to wear this." she handed me a red-cloth armband with a safety pen. The armband had Kanji on it.

"Umm..." I said, unsure of what to say, "I can read this because I learned Japanese a few years back, but... umm... does this really mean what I think it means?"

"Brigade Chief." Yuki said, not looking up from the book she had gone back to reading. I stared at her for a minute. "That is the English equivalent to the linguistic symbols on your armband. Brigade Chief."

"Ahh..." I said, nervously. "I see." I had never spoken to her before, and had mostly forgotten her introduction in class. I was starting to remember, and I recalled her conversation with Ryoko. I was suddenly wary of her, but not scared. I didn't even feel the terror I had felt towards Asakura yesterday, and now she had actually tried to kill me; as opposed to the vague and fearful thoughts I had of her before the attempt.

Brushing aside my thoughts for later consideration, I put my arm through the armband and pinned it to my sleeve.  
Suddenly I felt different. I felt in control. I felt like a Brigade Chief should; in charge.

"With that armband on, you should act more like you did during the first week of school" I see... so this armband put me into God Mode? Well, I'm going to enjoy a toy like that.

"Alright~!" I said, my voice brimming with confidence. "I'm ready to go find us some members! Let's see, who would make a good gopher... I know! Terry and Kaiba! Let's go get them!" I was excited. I didn't know why, but I felt like I _belonged _right here, like I was _meant_ to lead.

"They usually wait at Mr. Kunikida's room for him to finish work and take them home. You can probably still catch them, if you hurry." Ms. Asahina told me as she opened the door.

"I'm on it!" I shouted, racing out of the doorway and down the hall. _"_Woohoo!" I yelled on my way to recruit them.

_That was how the S.O.S? Brigade happily began._

_And all of the peace in my life sadly ended._


	7. Chapter 7

**The Afterlife of Haruhi Suzumiya**

**Chapter 7: Tension**

* * *

"I'm bored!" I exclaimed loud enough for the club to hear.

We were in our official clubroom, a previously vacant room that Ryoko had been able to somehow acquire for our use. We would have used Ms. Asahina's room, but she had tutoring after school in there, and we wanted a room to ourselves.

"Then play a video game or something." said the irritant Kaiba Kunikida. After being forced to join my club with his cousin Terry, Kaiba had become a personal plaything of mine. I no longer forced him into cosplay during homeroom; I saved _that_ for our club sessions. And I had decided that he would be the club's mascot and personal servant, meaning that he wore a(n utterly adorable) butler outfit I had prepared for him, and served us all cold beverages (Obviously the nonalcoholic kind) throughout each of our club's activities. But, of course, he still argued and whined over everything I did. And _that_ was part of the fun.

"Video games cannot sate my boredom!" I shouted, "Only _results_ can do that! Now WHY haven't we found any supernatural beings or occurrences, in all of the time we've been at it!" We'd only been at it for six days (including the week-end), but that seemed like _plenty_ of time to me. I'd discovered Ryoko after six days, hadn't I.

"Maybe because there _aren't_ any of those things?" Kaiba complained. "There's a reason people don't believe in any of this weird stuff! Even if it exists, it's _bound_ to be hard to find, otherwise it'd be all over the news! Honestly, if you thought this would be easy, you should have..."

I already knew that. You don't have to tell me that, Kaiba. Shut up Kaiba, I know that already!  
These thoughts ran through my head as Kaiba ranted on and on about how difficult it would be. Of course it would be hard! I _expected _it to be hard! But if I treated it like it were impossible, no one would put any effort into finding stuff, and there wouldn't be any point in searching! "Shut up, Kaiba, you don't know what you're talking about!" I yelled at him.

Kaiba glared at me. Needless to say, our friendship had been strained recently. I'd taken away his freedom and forced him into embarrassing situations, and now I was belittling his opinion. Of course he would hate me._ I_ would hate me. But it's not like I could help it. The armband made me that way, and if I didn't wear it, Ryoko would kill me. But atleast I hadn't made him wear the maid outfit I suggested at first, I had _some_ restraint.

"Look..." I said, trying to compromise with Kaiba, "I know that it's going to be hard. But the Open House is tomorrow, and if we don't find something, we'll be a laughing stock and a failure. We _atleast_ need to find a fake rumor and prove it false! That's one of the two reasons that this club was made!" That actually wasn't the reason. But even I didn't know why this club was made. Ryoko still wouldn't tell me what the club was for, or why I needed to wear my armband at all times. She said she would tell me eventually, but eventually wasn't here yet.

Kaiba didn't say anything to respond. He was still a little angry, but he knew I was telling the truth. A club like ours was bound to be mocked, and an unsuccessful club like ours would be mocked even more so. And as any high schooler can tell you, being a laughing stock is the worst possible outcome of any action. This was an emergency.

"As much as I hate to admit it..." said Terry, who had become a sort of 'voice of reason' character in my club, "BB has a point. If we don't manage something now, we'll be seen as losers for the rest of this semester, maybe even the whole year."

Ryoko stood up to talk. "If we need to find something that badly, I'm sure we could fake it. It isn't that hard to imitate an apparition, and I'm a great actor~!" Trust Ryoko to be happy and smiley about something morally out of the question.

"**O U T O F T H E Q U E S T I O N**** ! ! !**_" _I exclaimed. "We will _**not **_be faking this stuff! If we did, we would be cursed by all of the _true_ ghosts haunting the school! And then we'd _never_ find anything weird! Besides, if others found out, not only would we be a laughing stock, we'd be hated by almost everyone! We need _real _rumors, and we need them _fast!"_

The answer came from, unexpectedly, the least involved member of our club. "Wonders." Yuki Nagato said. I looked at her, waiting for an explanation. "It is common for schools to have 'wonders', or myths, that are unexplained and often perceived to be supernatural. In Eastern countries, there are usually seven of these wonders, as seven is a number believed to express ill fortune, but the existence of myths themselves are not exclusive to these places."

I knew what she was talking about. As a fan of nearly anything Japanese (only Japanese, for some odd reason, I never felt the same connection with anything Korean of Chinese) I was familiar with the "seven wonders" scenario often used for plot device in many anime and reality shows. "Yes..." I said, excitement slowly building up. "...yes! That's a perfect idea! We'll go and find the school's myths! It's a perfect idea! Let's go; The Search for the Seven Wonders is _on!"_

We got to work planning our course of action right away. We would split up into three groups, Terry and Kaiba together, Ryoko by herself, and Yuki with me. Yuki and I started our search in (where else?) the library.

"Excuse me, miss?" I said to the librarian. "Would there happen to be any books on common school myths? Or maybe an old yearbook with pictures of students that never attended, or something along those lines?" Yuki wasn't paying attention; she was instead reading a book she picked off of one of the shelves when we walked in.

"School myths?" the librarian asked, "Well, if they were anywhere, they'd be in the Folk Lore and Urban Legends sub-section, just follow the left wall there and you'll get to it. As for the yearbook thing, I don't think we have any like the one you want. If you're looking for urban legends, I recommend asking Mrs. Lockley, she's taught at this school the longest, and she's a well known gossip. But don't tell her I said that."

Yes! Already, we were getting somewhere! "Thank you!" I said ecstatically. I turned towards Yuki and puffed up to give her my orders. "Alright, Yuki! This is your first test as a member of my Brigade! I want you to search through all of the books on common school myths and make a list of any that are possible here in this school and can be easily investigated! Meanwhile, I'll go look for this Mrs. Lockley and find out what she knows! I'll be back soon, so hurry and get started!"

Yuki stared at me with her vacant yet somehow determined eyes, and nodded in confirmation. "Understood." she said, and then moved across the room so quickly that the air rushed to meet her, and a few of the students that were studying in there had their papers go flying as she flew by.

"I like her enthusiasm..." I said, impressed, but somehow not surprised. "Do you know what room Mrs. Lockley is in? Or if she's in the teacher's lounge about now?" I asked, turning towards the librarian once more.

"I'm not sure, but she's usually hanging out with Ms. Aria and Mrs. Simpson around this time. They should be in the south side of the building, bottom hallway. Around room 148, I believe."

"Thank you!" I said, rushing out of the library.

"You're welcome!" she called after me. "Such sweet kids..."

* * *

As I found the right hallway (at the opposite end of the school,) I slowed to a stop. There was a group of old ladies standing together, and Kaiba and Terry were asking one of them questions.

"You're such a cute kid, Kaiba; you look just like your father!" The oldest of the three teachers said. "You know, in my day, I was quite the catch. All the guys wanted me, and I _never_ would have settled with someone as childish as your father. But oh, how I wish I had. He ages just so well! Can you believe he's thirty-three? He doesn't look a day over eighteen! Why, if my Hubert looked that young, I'd..."

"Yes, yes." said Kaiba irritantly, "But could you please answer the question? We're looking for urban myths, and it's _very_ urgent. If you know any, can you please tell us?" He looked like he'd been trying to get answers for a while, now. He must have gone straight to his dad to ask about school myths, and his dad probably pointed him here, to Mrs. Lockley.

"Oh, right, right. You wanted myths. Now let's see... hmm... If I recall, there's an old story about a janitor that committed suicide by jumping off of the Arts Building..." Kunikida's eyes widened.

"You mean to say that his ghost haunts the Arts Building, forever wiping graffiti off of its walls?" Kaiba shouted, as if he were a small child questioning a bed time story.

"What?" Mrs. Lockley said. "No, no, that's not where I was going! You see, apparently he was really stressed at home with his wife, and had just recovered from serious leg surgery, so every time he walked, he felt a shock of pain up his left leg. It made his life _unbearable_, and they say it made him high-strung and _very_ stressed." As she was telling the story, I snuck up next to Kaiba, who was too engrossed to notice. "The real thing I was getting to was the thing that had scared him into doing it! You see, they say it was sometime after school, and he was cleaning the girl's bathroom. He was about to knock on one of the stalls to see if anyone was in there before going inside, but he heard a mysterious girl's voice screaming, 'There's blood _everywhere!'_"I cast a sideways glance at Terry, who was hiding a snicker. Kaiba, however, was completely oblivious. "He was so shocked that he gave up on life. It's quite sad, really. And no one ever heard from that girl again."

"Gasp!" he said, his hands moving to cover his mouth. "That's horrible! That poor little girl, I wonder if she was a ghost... Did she die? Was she murdered!" At this point both Terry and I burst into laughter, which shocked Kaiba a little. "Wha-? Chief, when did you get here? And why are you two laughing like that? It's not funny! That girl could have died in a really serious way!"

It was Terry who managed to stop laughing long enough to manage a full sentence "I think you may have misunderstood, Kaiba."

"What's there to misunderstand?" he yelled, "There was blood _everywhere!" _This, of course, sent Terry and me into even more violent throes of laughter, and we didn't have it in us to tell him why the girl was probably bleeding.

"Screw you guys!" Kaiba shouted, "I'm going to find this out on my own!" He ran down the hallway in the direction I had come from, and he didn't seem to know where he was going. I thought I saw him cry a little as he ran by.

I felt a little guilty, and started to follow, but Terry grabbed my shoulder and shook his head. "Leave him be." he said, still holding in a bit of laughter. "This happens all of the time. If you let him cool down, he'll be back to normal." I stared at Terry for a minute, then towards Kaiba, who had just rounded a corner. I was going to give him time to cool off, like Terry suggested, but then something occurred to me.

"You said that this happens all of the time, right?" I asked Terry, who nodded in response. "So... that means that it doesn't really get better, like you think. He cools off and puts on a smile... but the problem is still there, it hasn't gone away. Whatever is bothering him has been building up for a while, otherwise something like this wouldn't be such a big deal." I made up my mind on what to do. "I'm gonna follow him! You stay here and learn more from Mrs. Lockley, okay Terry?" I said as I started to run after Kaiba. Terry tried to stop me, but I was out of sight before he could say a word. It wasn't for nothing the track team begged me to join.

* * *

It was a while before I found Kaiba. He was curled-up in a corner by the stairs to the second floor, with his face buried in his arms. Since school was over except for various extracurricular programs, the stairwell was completely empty.

I called to him, but he didn't respond. I sat down next to him, and he made no actions to confirm my presence. The thought to do something naughty to him ran through my head, and I tried to suppress it, which sent a jolt of pain through my arm. I took the armband off and threw it to the floor, and the pain went with it.

We just sort of sat there for a while, until Kaiba finally said something.

"I'm not really naïve." he said, almost as if to himself. "It's true, I'm not. People just don't tell me anything."

I mulled over his words a bit before responding. "I take you found out why she was bleeding?"

He nodded, not lifting his face from the cover of his arms. "I went to the nearest restroom, but then I realized that I couldn't go into the girl's room, so I waited for a group of girls to come by. When they did, I told them if they could go check for the ghost, and they laughed at me. I told them about the girl that was bleeding, and they laughed even more. That's when they told me about PMS."

I felt bad for him; that must have been pretty embarrassing. "It's not _that_ bad that you didn't know what it was. I mean, you aren't a girl." I said, trying to cheer him up. "And you were bound to learn about it eventually. Early on in your first year of high school isn't that bad, some guys don't learn about how women work until... actually, they probably don't learn at all. So just 'cause a couple of guys like me or Terry knew before you means nothing, it isn't that big of a deal."

"It isn't just that." he said, "It's the other times, too. No one tells me anything anymore, everyone treats me differently. Looking like a kid isn't as great a thing as that old lady put it. I used to be normal, I used to fit in. All through elementary school, I was just another kid, having just as much fun as everyone else." He lifted his head and took a deep breath. "But that all changed when I got to middle school. When you get to that point, people start to notice when you look young. It started out with a bunch of older girls calling me cute and saying random stuff like taking me home with them. That got my old friends to make fun of me, and I dealt with it for a while. But then it progressed as people around me started getting growth spurts and I was the only small one left. Bullies started picking on me, but soon even _they_ thought I was too weak to deal with. Pretty soon, everyone left me alone, and the only thing people would say was, _'Don't worry, you'll get it someday.'_ or, _'We'll tell you when you're older.' _or,_ 'Sorry, you're too young for this, come back when your balls have dropped._'" I stared at his spaced-out face, and could see just how much their words bothered him. "It really sucked, being left alone like that. No one talked to me, except to comment on how adorable I was. And girls would just treat me like some sort of accessory, it never occurred to anyone that I had a mind of my own."

He cast a sideways glance at me and smirked, letting out a small laugh. "Hey, you wanna see something stupid?" he asked, but didn't wait for a reply. He pulled back the sleeves of the butler suit he still had on to reveal a checkered wristband on his left wrist. He pulled it back to reveal several scars on his wrist, some of which looked fairly fresh. "I don't cut myself because the pain makes life more durable." he said, pausing for emphasis. "I do it to try and kill myself." He put the wristband back over his wrist and pulled his sleeves down. "I figure that I can slit my artery and bleed to death, but it always hurts too much and I can't go through with it. I even started using my allowance to buy medical tape from the pharmacy to cover up my attempts. It worked, no one has ever notice what I do to myself, not even Dad or Terry." I stared at him sadly, wondering if there was something I could do or say that would fix all of this.

"Don't look at me like that." He said in disgust. "I didn't ask for your pity. That's the one thing I _don't_ want, I have plenty from all of the giddy fangirls that fawn over me as if I were a puppy." I looked down, trying to avoid eye contact. I couldn't show him my face if all it did was bug him. While I looked down, he continued his story.

"In about seventh grade my parents realized something was wrong with me. When they finally asked me about it, I bawled my eyes out and told them what life was like for me at school. My dad was sympathetic; he said that both he and Ojji-san had to deal with the same thing when they were young. But saying that didn't help anything. It wasn't until mom decided to transfer me to the same school as Terry that I started to get better. Atleast I had one friend, even if it was only family." I was still looking down, but I could hear him sniffling, he must have started to cry. "It was so great having a friend for a while. I was so happy. But even Terry treated me like a child. And he would go off on his own to play with _his_ friends a lot, leaving me by myself. I had hoped, when High School started, that I would get a growth spurt, or that people would stop treating me like a kid, or that _someone_ out there just might be the same as me. None of that happened. The closest I got to any of it was _you_, who treats me like a doll for playing dress-up with, only useful for that, and nothing more. When I tried to say something today, you told me to shut up, and said that I didn't know what I was talking about! I thought someone as weird as you would be different. You're different alright, different everyday. But no matter what you act like, you always treat me like a kid. When it comes to that, you're the same as everybody else."

I was utterly speechless. Had I hurt him that badly? Had his life really been _that_ horrible? It took me a while to calm down and think straight. He didn't get up or leave, he was too melancholy to move a muscle.

"I'm sorry." I said, trying to think of what to say. "I didn't realize that what I could say would hurt you that much. If it makes you feel any better, I didn't disagree with you at all today." He looked at me, and I couldn't tell whether he was annoyed or curious. "I was frustrated that we hadn't found anything, and was worried about the Open House. I already knew what you were saying about it being hard to find, but I thought that if I let everyone think that I didn't expect results, they would laze around and not do anything. It's not that you were wrong, I just couldn't let them know you were right."

Kaiba scoffed. "Gee, thank you for that. Do I feel special!"

"And... I think I know what you've been going through a little. I don't have to deal with the kid thing nearly as much as you do, but I still have people call me that. And I know what it's like to suddenly be alone, and friendless." Kaiba raised an eyebrow at me.

"I actually used to be normal, too, you know? Back when _I_ was in elementary school, I was perfectly happy. Sure, I still had mood swings, but I just went from normal little boy to happy little boy, maybe even mischievous little boy every once in a while. That all changed three years ago, when I was sixth grade. Suddenly my mood swings became drastic. I'd go from a normal, apathetic guy to a mindless robot. Or from a creepy little liar to a helpless little girl. I didn't know who I was, and neither did anyone else. Everyone thought I was crazy, and stayed away from me. Mom wanted to get me medication, but my step-dad wouldn't let her, he said it was normal for growing boys to have mood swings, and since he made the money, he made the decisions. Meanwhile, everyone abandoned me, and I couldn't stay the same person long enough to even feel sad. But I was plenty lonely. I started to read a lot more than usual. Sometimes I would read sci-fi and fantasy novels, sometimes comic books, and sometimes college level philosophy. It all depended on my mood. One day I found some manga in the bookstore, and I started to read it. It was a shoujo manga, a girl's manga, and a pretty bad one at that. It was all about some girl falling in cliché love with the boy of her dreams, totally boring. But when I read it, it felt familiar. The way it was drawn, the way everyone acted, and every little editor's note about Japanese culture just pulled me in and made me feel nostalgic. After that, I became a Japanophile. Video games, anime, and manga were the easiest to get, but I wanted more. I convinced my step-dad to get me enrolled in a Japanese learning program, and studied my ass off learning the language. Pretty soon I was fluent, and I could get that nostalgia feeling back whenever I wanted to. But it wore off, eventually, and it didn't help the main problem at all, I was still lonely. So I trained my body as best as I could, until I was physically perfect. Still lonely. I did everything I could, anything I could think of, and I was still lonely. I eventually tried making friends, but everyone was still afraid of me. I had no friends, and no one offered to become one. Everyone was exactly the same; I had only myself to keep me company. I grew to hate everyone around me, all of the people that scorned me for not being normal. I decided to look for other people that weren't 'normal', and make them my friends. I might have been a little infatuated with the paranormal before then, but that was when I _really _wanted to see them. They were different, so there was hope in them. Hope that I wouldn't be so lonely anymore, that I wouldn't fade away and become 'just like everybody else'. Because it was 'everybody else' that I hated the most." I hadn't meant to drag up old emotions. Or maybe I had, I didn't know anymore. I just knew that there was so much I wanted to say, and I was glad to have the freedom to say it, especially if it meant making my friend feel just a _little_ bit better.

"I... I'm sorry." Kaiba apologized, "I didn't realize. Here I am, moping about myself, and you have your own problems to deal with. I didn't mean to complain."

I almost laughed when he said that. "What are you talking about?" I said, "You're story is _way_ sadder than mine, don't you think?" I punched him lightly on the shoulder, and he let out a laugh, this time it seemed to be a happy one.

"I guess you're right." he said, "Anyways, we've been angsting over our pasts long enough, it's time we got up and got to work, we still have a load of work to do!"

"Yeah!" I said, and we both got up and were about to leave when the worst person possible showed up.

"There you are~!" shouted Ryoko from the top of the stairwell. I looked up at her and felt like I was in trouble, somehow.

She jumped lightly down the stairs, the entire flight, and twirled upon landing, facing me and Kaiba. (And consequentially, sending Kaiba into a state of shock.)

"So this is where you've been hiding~!" she said lightly, smiling at me and Kaiba, who appeared to be recovering from a heart attack after seeing Ryoko defy gravity. "I've been looking all _over_ for you guys! Yuki and Terry have already found all of the superstitions, we need you guys to come back and approve~!"

I waited until Kaiba could breathe again before saying, "That's great, let's go check it out, Kaiba!" He nodded, and we started to head for the club room, when I heard Ryoko behind me.

"_Ahem."_ she said, causing me to stop in place and turn around in apprehension. She was holding the armband out to me. "I think you'll need _this_." she said, making me grab it and put it on hurriedly. A jolt of pain went through my arm again, had that happened when I put it on the first time?

"Don't forget..." she whispered as she walked past me, "Take it off again and you'll lose that arm." A chill ran down my spine as she skipped away, off to the clubroom.

Kaiba must have noticed my reaction, because he looked a bit worried. "Is something wrong?" he asked.

"Nothing to worry about, I- I'm fine." He obviously didn't believe me, and he looked off towards Ryoko with a suspicious look on his face. I hope he doesn't get wrapped up in all this; he didn't need to deal with a sociopath like her.

* * *

When we got to the clubroom, both my and Kaiba's jaws dropped. There were three and a half stacks of papers that reached the ceiling, one small horse statue, and one giant birdcage with what looked like a little kid with a bed sheet over his head in it. A _floating_ little kid with a bed sheet over his head, I might add.

"So what do you think~?" Ryoko asked. "Aren't we awesome~?"

"We _sooo_ are!" shouted Terry. "Look at this statue I found! Mrs. Lockley says that it's been haunted ever since it was made, and that at midnight, it makes neighing sounds! Can you believe the school even HAS something like this?"

"I did research as you requested." Yuki said. "I have compiled a list of possible urban legends and myths with which to further research. There are 543 possible ghost hauntings, 389 possible mysterious noises, 862 possible demonic possessions, 444 possible mysterious deaths, and 2 alien sightings."

"Mine is the best~!" Ryoko said, "I made a fake ghost! Doesn't it look so real?"

"You still haven't told me how you did it!" Terry pestered her.

"Drama club." she said, as if that solved all of his questions. It might as well have, he didn't think any further of it.

"I told you, no fakes!" I shouted at Asakura. If I wasn't wearing the armband, there was no _way_ I could have stood up to her like I was now.

"Aww..." she said, "But..."

"NO FAKES!" I repeated.

To tell you the truth, I wouldn't have minded at this point, but... it disturbed me. Could a fake have eyes that looked so... _real?_ If not for the fact that it didn't have feet, I could have _sworn_ that there was a child under there, looking at me, ready to ask, "Trick or Treat?" and get some candy. Kaiba must have been a little disturbed, too, because he looked at me in a way that pleaded for answers. I shook my head slightly, just enough for him to see, but he didn't quite get the message. Instead, he stared at Ryoko, as if she were somehow responsible for the way I was acting. She was, but he didn't quite realize _how_ responsible. I hope to whatever God is listening that she doesn't get anyone else involved.

"Well~!" Ryoko said, getting everyone's attention. "I'll do the decorating for the Open House tomorrow, you can all go home and get some rest. Besides, I need to get rid of the fake ghost, don't I Chief~?" When she said that, a chill went up my spine, and I was afraid I had insulted her.

"Of course, ma'am." I said, accidentally being polite and shy, something that didn't go unnoticed to _anybody_ in the room.

"Well then, goodnight everyone! Sleep tight! And look out, there might be a _monster_ under your bed!"

I hate subtle threats. Don't you?


	8. Chapter 8

**The Afterlife of Haruhi Suzumiya**

**Chapter 8: The Identity Crisis of Mikuru Asahina**

* * *

I was in Mikuru Mode. How could I tell? Because the only time I was allowed to take off the armband was when a teacher told me to (so as to avoid suspicion), or when I wasn't wearing a shirt (because I need something to pin it on). Since these are the only times I can be anything other than God Mode, I'd started paying attention to small details during these times to find out which mood I was really in. It was these details that led me to believe that I was in Mikuru Mode.

That, and it was the only mood when I felt like my boobs got in the way while trying to take a shower. And I don't even _have_ those things. I also get embarrassed looking at my own body, as if I'm staring at a boy's. Wait, I mean... I _am_ a boy, but it's like I'm a _girl_ staring at a boy, but I'm _not_ a girl, and it's _my_ body anyways, so... You know what? Nevermind.

As I dried off and got dressed, I noticed the armband. I remembered my heart-to-heart talk with Kaiba yesterday, and I knew that if I wore the armband, I would get all of those urges to mess with him again, thus ruining the friendship we had just patched up.

On the other hand, if I didn't wear it, Ryoko would slice and dice me with her magical knives. I'd angered her a lot yesterday, so today was a bad day to mess with her temper.

Decisions, decisions... I wanted to take it off, but there was no way I could get away with it without Asakura finding out and punishing me. Unless...

I rushed into my room and got out my laptop, turning it on and waiting impatiently for it to load. I logged in and opened a browser, then went to the school's web site. Come on... come on... it'd better be here... AHA! I found Ms. Asahina's contact info! I pulled out my cell phone, ready to call her.

"...ring...ring...ring...Hello? This is Mikuru Asahina speaking; who may I ask is calling?"

"Hi, Ms. Asahina! It's me!"

"'_Me'_ doesn't tell me a lot. Is this Bunny Boy?"

"Yeah! Umm...I was wondering... when we get to school today, could you possibly ask me to take off the armband I'm always wearing?"

"You're Brigade Chief armband? Why would I do that? If you don't want to wear it, don't wear it, it's not like you need to be told."

_Great,_ the one thing I wasn't prepared for; logic. I wish I could convince her somehow... "Please?" I asked, "Couldn't you do me this one small favor? Ryoko says I can't take it off unless a teacher makes me or I'm naked. So either you tell me to take it off or I'm breaking the dress code today."

"Ryoko Asakura? Sorry, but if she's involved, I'm afraid I can't do that."

"But... why?"

"That's classified."

Great, so it's a conspiracy. C'mon, Bunny Boy! Think! What can you say that will make her change her mind?

"B-but... but... Suzumiya-san told me to!" In all honesty, I didn't know who that was. But I'd remembered Ryoko and Yuki's conversation about her on the first day of school, and knew that person must have been important if they were also a victim of Ryoko and pals.

"_**CLASSIFIED**_ told you not to wear the armband! But she's _**CLASSIFIED**__**!**__"_ Clearly Ms. Asahina was in so much shock that she was mixing up her words or something.

"I know..." I said, "But I had a vision of her! And she told me that it's of the utmost importance that I _not_ wear the armband today!" Yes, I was telling a bullshit story to my teacher, completely and utterly made up, but it's standard procedure when you're in high school.

"That changes things. Pack it in your bag, but don't wear it. I'll tell Ryoko, and figure out what to do; this is serious." Was a it really that big a deal? Who was this Suzumiya-san anyway? I'd only heard a few things about her in passing, but I gathered they she was extremely important. It felt like the world revolved around her, though I couldn't figure out where that feeling came from.

Oh well, it may not have been the way I wanted, but atleast I got to go to spend a day where I _wasn't_ the main cause of Kaiba's suicide attempts. I know that he's failed so many times that he probably only tries out of habit, but the thought of my closest friend trying to kill himself because of me is pretty disheartening, and a little scary.

* * *

As I got to school that day, I was full of smiles and happiness. I would have skipped to class if it weren't for the fact that I wasn't wearing a sports bra- **I **_**do not**_** have boobs, stop thinking as if I do!**

Several kids stared at me. Had I yelled that out loud?

"Oops... umm... sorry... um... yeah... I'll just... umm... uhh..." my face felt so red it probably looked like a bloody tomato. I walked the rest of the way to class in shame and embarrassment. Atleast there was _one_ thing good about perpetually being in God Mode; I never had to deal with silly things like humiliation.

"Hello, Bunny Boy." Ms. Asahina said, walking up to me. "How are you feeling? You look flushed... did you bring the armband? You aren't wearing it, are you?" She was standing close to me, her hand on my forehead. I felt a sharp pain in my head while she was near, but I told her I was fine and she walked back to her desk, making it recede to a dull ache.

I sat at my desk and waited for Kaiba and Terry to arrive, my head throbbing a little. I noticed Ryoko and Yuki were already in class, and they were staring at me. Are they suspicious? I hope not, or I'll be in trouble.

When Terry and Kaiba walked inside, I waved at them. I couldn't help it; I was excited to see them. Kaiba saw me and smiled, waving back. Terry looked at us both like we were crazy.

After Ms. Asahina reminded us that Open House was tonight at six o'clock, she went back to her desk and sat at her computer. Everyone took that as a signal to move around and sit by their friends, and pretty soon Kaiba and Terry were sitting by me like usual.

"Sooo..." Terry started, "Did... uh... did something... _happen_ yesterday? I mean, Kaiba's a lot happier than usual, and you two are all smiles to see each other... it just seems kinda suspicious."

Kaiba and I exchanged glances; should we tell him?

"I mean," he continued, "It isn't any of my business what you guys do, but I'm Kaiba's older cousin, you gotta understand. I'm like a big brother to him, and I'd like to _know_ when he and one of my friends to decide to be gay togeth-"

_**"WHAAAAAT!" **_Kaiba yelled at the top of his lungs.

"Don't worry," Terry said, "I'm the accepting type, I won't judge for this kind of thing. I'd just like to know when you're in the closet and all that, it's just something that we, as family, should be able to talk about."

Kaiba was in a rage so violent he couldn't speak coherently, and I was blushing like crazy. It wasn't like we did anything, and we weren't more than friends, so why would I blush, you ask? To be honest, I didn't know. I suppose it was only natural when you were being accused of something embarrassing, like doing naughty things with your best friend, but it was only natural that that people suspect that kind of thing, especially when a boy and a girl are suddenly so close- **FOR THE LAST TIME I AM NOT A GIRL!**

Everyone stared.

"Excuse me, Miss?" asked one of the girls, "But is today a national holiday or something? Because that is the _second_ time I heard someone shout that today, yet I've never heard of 'I Am Not a Girl' Day."

She wasn't the only one that was confused. The whole class was shocked and even Ms. Asahina herself seemed surprised. Though I'd say that _I_ may have been the most surprised of them all; why had _Ms. Asahina_, of all people, blurted out _my_ thoughts? Did I have some sort of psychic mind control powers over her?

"I... umm..." Ms. Asahina started, "I...I'm sorry for that. I didn't mean to say... umm... uhh... Happy Deny Your Gender Day, everybody!"

No one was fooled, yet in no time at all our class was back to normal. Honestly, they were _way_ too used to weird things happening; it was only the third week of school!

After Kaiba and I set things straight with Terry and convinced him that we had _not_ done anything suspicious, erotic, illegal or together yesterday, we started to chat and hang out like usual. I promised Kaiba that I hadn't brought any cosplay for him today, and he believed me. We were getting along great, and I was having so much fun, even though nothing exciting was happening. I had friends, true friends.

As we talked, the pain in my head was getting stronger. What was that? That hadn't happened earlier, it had only happened when I had walked into the classroom. Oh well, I'd better get finished taking role.

"Ms. Asahina!" Kaiba shouted. "Something's wrong!"

I looked up to see what Kaiba was talking about. I saw that I was collapsed on the ground, clutching my head. "Is something wrong?" I asked. I didn't respond. I walked towards myself and the pain in my skull got stronger. "Do you need to go to the nurse's office?" I asked, but I still wasn't moving, and I was getting dizzier and dizzier. "Hello? ? ?" I asked again, "Do I need to go to the nurse's office? ? ? Can I hear me? ? ? Hello? ? Bunny Boy? ? Bunny Boy, this is Ms. Asahina speaking, are you there? ? ?" What's wrong with me, why aren't I responding? ! ? Is this what Haruhi was warning about? ? ? "Hello! ? ! Am I there! ? ! It's me; can't you hear me, Mikuru! ? ! Hello... Uh oh, this is bad. Someone get the nurse, we think we need medical attention! ! ! Hurry! ! ! C'mon, what are you waiting for! ? ! We said that we need attention, can't you see I'm lying on the floor! ? ! Help us alread... we need... I'm... who..." Eventually, everything faded away, and I was collapsed on the ground, right next to myself.

* * *

When I woke up, I wasn't sure what had happened, or who I was. Was I still Mikuru Asahina, Time Traveling Teacher? Or was I Bunny Boy, Schizophrenic Student?

It took me a few moments, but I eventually sorted out that I was Bunny Boy. Wow, what a weird experience! For a while, Ms. Asahina and I were the same person, and our minds had been linked! Now that I thought about it, that shouldn't be the most shocking thing. I learned a lot from being linked, and all of it was disturbing.

Mikuru Asahina was a time traveler, and had been sent back in time to spy on me. "Suzumiya-san" was one of Mikuru's childhood friends and the last person she had been assigned to watch, Haruhi Suzumiya. Haruhi was my past life, and she died the day I was born. I couldn't remember anything else from her head, but for some other reason I knew more about her. Like how she had been to Haruhi what Kaiba was to me, and how she had a star shaped mole on her boob. _That _was a little awkward to know, so I let out a laugh.

"So, it appears you're awake and happy~! Did you have a nice dream?" I opened my eyes in shock and turned my head. I saw that I was in a hospital bed, in an empty hospital room. Empty except for me, and of course, my visitor.

"You gave us quite a scare, Bunny~!" Ryoko said, holding something behind her back. "You _really_ shouldn't take unnecessary risks like that; what if something happened? Oh, and Ms. Asahina learned quite a lot about you from your little bonding session. Like how you fibbed about seeing Suzumiya-san." Suddenly I recognized the object behind her back, and I felt utter horror at what it was. "You remember what I told you, right?" she said, taking the object out and showing it to me. "_If you take it off, you'll lose that arm._ Promises must be kept, after all." I saw my disembodied arm in her hands; the sleeve was still on it, and blood was dripping from where it had been severed. I felt pain where it should have been, and by reaction, grabbed for it. But it wasn't where I grabbed; it wasn't at my side. It was right in her hands.

"Speaking of promises, you still haven't kept yours. We need you to wear the armband and sync with Suzumiya-san enough to use her powers." Ryoko explained, my arm still in her hands. "And once you can do that, we want you to give them to us. Those powers are the key to auto-evolution, and the Data Integrated Thought Entity _desperately_ needs it in order to survive. Now be a good boy, and-"

"Bunny Boy! " Kaiba shouted, rushing in the room with Terry right behind him. They both stopped when they saw smiley and happy Ryoko standing next to me. "Who are you!" Kaiba shouted, "And what have you been doing to Bunny Boy**! ? !** What's going on here**! ? !**" The indignant look on his face turned to sheer terror as he saw my arm in her hands. Terry let out an uncharacteristic gasp.

"What the hell did you **do!**?" Terry shouted at her.

"What's going on!" Kaiba yelled, "What the _**hell **_are you!"

Ryoko smiled in response, and whispered inaudible words at high speeds. The door disappeared, and spikes jutted out from the walls, impaling both of them from every angle. Even across the room, the blood splattered all over me, and I could do nothing but stare, horrified, at their dismembered corpses.

"We prefer keeping things secret, but we don't mind if we mess things up a little. Unlike those time-traveling opportunists, history isn't a problem for us, and we'll go to _any_ means to get what we want. You may have her potential, but you aren't Haruhi. You can't do a thing to destroy us, or even stop us. You are weak until further notice, so be a dear and put this armband back on, kay~?"

I hated her. That was the only emotion I could comprehend at the time, severe and utter loathing for everything about her. Her hair, her voice, her way of talking and the things she did. Her very existance was an insult, a spit in my face. "Die..." I whispered, barely audible.

"I'll be glad to~!" She smiled, "Just put this on, first, and I shall decapitate myself with _pleasure~!_"

"**NO!"** I shouted, snapping and losing control**. _"DON'T JUST DIE; _**_**DISAPPEAR ****YOU CRAZY WHORE! ****!****AND TAKE THAT ****DAMNED ****THING WITH YOU! ****I WISH YOU HAD NEVER BEEN BORN, NOW ****VANISH** **YOU PSYCHOTIC ****MONSTER!"**_

"Uh-oh..." Ryoko said, "...looks like I made you mad... Well, atleast it moved things along this time~!" Her smile was the last thing I saw.

* * *

I woke up by falling out of bed. It took me a while to get used to the pain. When I finally did, I opened my eyes and saw that I was in my bedroom. I was wearing my pajamas, and my arm was still attached. It turned out to all be just a dream, a painful and horrific dream.

I looked over at my alarm clock. It was 4:58 in the morning. Dad was probably already at work. I got back in bed and shut my eyes, trying to get to sleep, but the horrific and detailed images of Kaiba and Terry's dismembered bodies appeared, and I couldn't make them go away. The memory of the pain at not having my arm made me wince and grab for it, even though it was only imaginary.

I got out of bed. I only had one thing on my mind. As I walked barefoot through the still dark halls of this large and eerie house I had only recently gotten used to, I found my parents room. I opened the door and found my mom asleep in bed; my step-father was indeed already gone for work. I walked to the bed and got into it, snuggling up to my mom, and started crying.

"Wha-?" she said, waking up because of me. "Huh? Dear, what's wrong? Are you okay? W-why are you crying?" I couldn't answer; I just kept sobbing like an injured little toddler. She was confused, but my mom wrapped her arms around me and held me close, making cooing noises and trying to comfort me. I stayed there, crying in her arms, until I had fallen fast asleep, with tears still trickling slowly down my face.

* * *

I had only barely made it to the bus on time. I woke up at 7:39, and the bus arrived at my bus stop around 8:00, so I had to rush to get ready. My mom had made French toast for me while I was asleep, and I thanked her for it as I ran outside and ate at the bus stop.

One the ride to school, it occurred to me to check for my personality. I wasn't wearing my armband, but I couldn't find it and was in a rush to school, surely Asakura would accept that. Besides, the thought of wearing that thing after such a nightmare... it disgusted me.

But despite how hard I thought about it, I wasn't _in _any mode I had previously been in before. Not God Mode, not Average Mode, not Mikuru or Spy Mode. Not even the fifth mode, which I shall call Bibliophile Mode until further notice. My mode... my _mood_... was neutral. It was like I was too tired to be anything else. I was... me.

When I got to class, I purposely avoided looking towards the side of the room that Ryoko's seat was; I didn't want to see her after what I saw last night. Even if it _was_ just a dream.

When Kaiba and Terry made it to class, I almost started crying again, this time out of happiness. I waved enthusiastically, and a tear ran down my face. Who cares if anyone saw, I was already weird. They looked towards Ryoko's side of the room in fear before spotting me, but their fear turned into confusion after a second. Terry looked at me and pointed toward her side of the room, and then made a questioning gesture, as if to say, "What is this? What's going on?" I shook my head in response; I didn't want to look over there for anything, no matter how curious I was. He shrugged, and he and Kaiba walked towards their seats without a word. They were obviously confused, but they seemed happy. Maybe they were glad that I recovered from falling unconcious yesterday?

When homeroom started, Ms. Asahina walked up to her teacher's podium and started to say something. "I would like to say that yesterday's Open House was apparently a success. As you know, I wasn't able to attend because of some health issues, but most everyone had positive comments regarding it. About the health issues, though, it is unknown whether the migraines and comas of both myself and others was some sort of practical joke played on us or a health hazard, but it is being looked into. And yes, there _were_ others, it wasn't just me and little Bunny Boy." Some girl giggled when she called me so affectionately. I didn't even care at this point. "Also, Ryoko Asakura has had to move to Canada. The reason is unknown, but it is assumed to be some sort of family emergency. It may not be forever, but we were told the stay is permanent." I was shocked at this. Ryoko? Gone!

I ignored the rest of what she was saying and broke my vow, looking over at Ryoko's side of the room. It was true; Ryoko Asakura was nowhere to be found. Yet her creepy friend, Yuki Nagato, was sitting in her seat like normal, looking straight ahead with an unreadable expression on her face. I noticed that she was wearing glasses, which I had never noticed before. She slowly turned her head towards me, and took these glasses off. I don't know what came over me, but seeing her face filled me with so many ideas and suddenly everything made sense.

To this very day, I have never again learned so much, and yet so little, all at the same time.


	9. Chapter 9

**The Afterlife of Haruhi Suzumiya**

**Chapter 9: Unbearable**

* * *

It's a very interesting experience to be someone else, I've got to say. My usual mood swings, which I only recently deduced involved syncing with the minds of actual people (some of whom are likely deceased, which must create all sorts of paradoxes), are nothing compared to the major link that I had with my teacher, Ms. Asahina, yesterday. I found out so much, and I still can't sort some of it out, or figure out which thoughts were from her mind and which were mere delusions of my own. Time travel, espers, aliens, all of it seemed so unreal and too good to be true. But weirder than being someone else, weirder than being a time traveling secret agent with a D-cup bra and thousands of adolescent admirers, was being myself. Because, to be honest, it had never happened before. I was used to being this Haruhi figure in God Mode, or that Koizumi boy in Spy Mode, or even that boring one that all the girls liked (the one that everybody called Kyon) during Average Mode. But being myself was completely foreign to me, and I was trying to sort out who exactly I was.

I knew one thing; I was tired. I felt like I hadn't slept in days, and then did a thousand push-ups, and _then_ ran a marathon. I've actually done that before, and even _then_, I wasn't as tired as I am now. I also knew that I still had my memories from my entire childhood at my disposal, and I had quite a few opinions regarding some of those memories, so I wasn't emotionless. I was just too... _unused_ to being my own person; I felt out of place. It's like living in someone else's house your entire life, and then being given a different one and being told, "This is your house, you've had it since you were a baby." even though you've never been in it before. Even before the mood swings got bad in 6th grade, I still wasn't myself. I was a lot more normal and stable than now, but not me. I suppose I've always had undertones of my personality in whatever actions or thoughts weren't dictated by whoever I was syncing up with, much like how the different modes will sometimes overlap and I'll have Kyon's thoughts while in God Mode, or Haruhi's in Spy Mode. But still, I just can't get used to it yet, even though it's the real me.

Another weird thing, knowing that you're becoming someone else on a regular basis. And then having intimate memories of that person, even though you've never met them. Syncing with Ms. Asahina taught me a lot, and while the only stuff I really learned were the things from her high school years of infiltrating North High (I think my syncs are on a timeline, otherwise I'd have their entire lives in my head at once), there was a lot of information there. Knowing what being Haruhi's slave was like really set my treatment of Kaiba into perspective, but remembering having a friendship with her and Kyon was really what made things different, because I became them on a regular basis. But I really shouldn't be so worried about this; weirder things have happened this week.

Ever since Ryoko Asakura disappeared to Canada, I've been doing a lot of thinking. I was obviously involved in something, and I wanted to sort out what it was. I'd been sitting alone by the stairwell that Kaiba and I had been chatting under, because I really didn't want to go to the clubroom. Yuki was there, and I needed to sort out my thoughts and figure out how to interrogate her safely before going to see her. I knew that she wasn't as psychotic as Ryoko, but they WERE working together. Things could have changed in the years between Ms. Asahina's high school and now; I don't know anything about that Entity they serve.

"Hey you, with the weirdness." said a vaguely familiar voice. I couldn't recognize who it was at all, so I had to look up to find the person speaking. It was the Kelly girl from my homeroom, the one that had caught my interest in the early days of the school year.

"Hello." I said to her courteously, "You must be Karri, the evil one I've heard so much about. I'd like to say, I'm very interested in learning more about you, but I'm a bit busy right now, so I don't suppose we can postpone our confrontation? I've had enough murders for one week, thank you very much."

"So you _are_ the one that offed the Asakura girl? I'm impressed, I didn't know you had it in ya. But Creators are always eccentric, even if they're only half of one like yourself."

"Huh?" I responded, as anyone would do in my place. "What's a Creator? And I didn't kill Asakura,_ she _killed my friends, even though it was just a dream and they're not dead, but they somehow seem to remember it... possibly... I'll have to ask, I've been too busy thinking. Why she's in Canada right now is one of the mysteries I'm contemplating, but I'm pretty sure she isn't dead."

"You're quite the mislead child, aren't you?" she said with a devilish smirk. "She disappeared yesterday, every trace of her. And yeah, the boys did die, their deaths were just undone somehow. Probably by you." I tried to show my confusion somehow, but she kept going. "Trust me, I know what it feels like when people die, and they were DEAD. Dead dead. Painfully, too; I could feel it all the way from the school, and those spikes hurt like the dickens." I was confused. Very confused. Was she like me, but able to link with anyone? Or was their something different going on here? "Anyway, Creators are people with God-like control over whichever reality they live in. The last one died before I got stuck here, but a new one hasn't come up yet, and the world has barely changed since she's died. You're the closest this world has to a Creator right now, and you're only a demi. _I don't even know how that works._ I would've asked you sooner, but Asakura was always hovering over you and protecting you, I couldn't get close. Honestly, I hate aliens. Almost as much as the Inhibitors, but that's a different matter, entirely. So yeah, if you don't know the answers to my questions, I'll leave you be. Go have fun with the four-eyed alien and those boys you switch between molesting and commanding; I'll be in the library. Reading. At a sensible pace, unlike the alien. Tell me when you become a full on Creator, alright? I'll have a favor to ask you." And with that, she walked off, and I was left to wonder what the hell was happening.

"Wait!" I called to her, making her turn around in response. "Who... what are you? How do you know all of that stuff? What the devil going on?" She smiled a bit, a cruel, wicked smirk that was full of bemusement, and a dash of sadism. "I'm what you might call a Celestial, though the Inhibitors way back when used to call us 'kami'-somethings. I don't know, I never much cared for humans or their languages. I don't even know what language it was; I only learned this English one out of necessity. I can't say much about what I do, or where I'm from; that would just take too long. But suffice it to say that I've destroyed the world twice now, and I hate it more than ever. I'll be seeing ya, maybe when you aren't so... weak. And useless. But I'll keep you in mind; when I'm desperate." With that, she was gone, and I was even more confused than I had been before. Though I learned one thing; she wasn't human. Heh... join the club, Kelly-girl. You wouldn't be the first.

The club! Oh no! We need five members, and Ryoko is gone! What are we going to do! I panicked a bit, but then I calmed myself down. We had the members needed to form it before Ryoko moved, so the faculty should be lenient. Though I really was wondering how far this conspiracy stretched, and if I had actually... gotten rid of Asakura. Not that I regretted it, but it was a frightening prospect. I wasn't sure if I wanted that kind of power... eh, who am I kidding? I can deal with the power to wish people away. And if I'm some God-like creator like she says, then I can just wish everything to be alright, can't I? Sure, I'm probably stealing the power from Haruhi, and she might not agree with how I use it, but she's dead. Not my problem anymore, I was ready for Godhood!

* * *

"You're nickname sucks, by the way. You're nothing like a bunny. And I hate rabbits, besides." Karri said to me as I entered the clubroom. She was sitting on top of one of the desks, and reading a book with one of Yuki's bookmarks in it. I couldn't see Yuki's eyes, because the fluorescent glare on her glasses was too bright, but I imagined that she wasn't too happy.

"What are you doing in here?" I said to her, a little put off.

"I heard that you needed a new member or your club would be disbanded, so I decided to join in. I want to get on your good side, for when you don't suck, remember?" She wasn't exactly doing a bang-up job. She insulted my nickname, the very SYMBOL of my ability to be weird in a normal world, she stole Yuki's book (possibly right out of her hand), and (from the enraged looks on Kaiba and Terry's faces) she had done something to put my friends off, too.

"Chief." Kaiba said sternly, "Could you be so kind as to tell this _wonderfully nice person_ that she isn't welcome in this club, and that we'll find someone else that's willing to join? I could handle a giggling girl that wants to be my 'big sister' better than I can handle _her _making casual remarks about sexual slavery and pedophilia."

"To be honest..." Terry said, "I wouldn't mind if you decided to exclude her, either. I'm a fun-loving kind of guy, and I'm nice to almost any kind of person. But she doesn't seem to be trying very hard to count as a 'person.' By _any_ standards."

"Got that right, freak." she said, making his face contort in to a barely contained rage. "I hate people, all of them. I don't want to be anything like them. They're smelly, they can't do anything, they kill each other, they kill everything else, and I don't want to be a part of this mass of stupidity you call a species. I don't even want to occupy the same plane of existence. So that's why you should let me join; the faster you help me, the faster I'll be out of everyone's hair. It's win-win, all around." I was starting to wish I had the strength to wish her out of existence like I did to Asakura, but I controlled myself. I'd better learn more about what's going on before I started sending people away to Never Never Land. It's not like she'd made any murder attempts so far; so according to the rumours, she was restraining herself quite a bit. Especially in comparison to the ex-student president.

I heard a knock on the door, and told the person to come in. Ms. Asahina opened the door and started to deliver her message first thing. "Hey guys, I've got bad news. With only four members, we- oh, hello Kelly. Ah, but you prefer Karri, right? What are you doing in here? Would you like to join the club? It would be very much appreciated if you could join; I'd hate to see this little brigade disbanded."

"I would love to, Mrs. Asahina. In fact, it would make me the happiest girl in school, in the world! Oh can I? Can I please? Really? You're a doll, a true angel. You make my heart flutter. You make me reminisce of sugar coated brownies and candy coated apples. You smell of scented candles and gentle lavender, and your skin is as soft and smooth as-"

"Thank you, thank you. That's... quite enough." Ms. Asahina said, blushing and probably feeling very awkward. "And it's _Ms._ Asahina, I'm not married. Anyway, I think that I'll go get you a form now, please don't allow me to take up your time. Continue talking with your fellow members, don't worry about me." And with that, she walked out of the classroom, fairly briskly.

Karri stared at the door where she left thoughtfully. "I didn't do a very good job of complimenting her, did I? I thought that I did; all of those compliments were direct and unedited from every flowery romance and boring sitcom I've had the misfortune to come across. I know _I'd_ feel pretty if someone gave _me_ those compliments. I guess she's just too used to it, though, what with all of the teenage boys she sees everyday; and with _her_ body, too! I do _not_ envy her, not a bit! ...well, maybe the chest area, but that's more of a pride thing; I'm too used to being the biggest around." She turned to me. "So, what do these boys know about everything? Your powers and what-not. The Alien obviously knows, and I can see why you'd tell Freakshow, but Pedobait here could go either way. Other than trying on outfits you plan on giving your newborn child, and maybe seducing a Catholic priest, he's fairly useless." As was becoming usual, her blunt and uncaring attitude caught everyone off guard, and Kaiba was about to lose his teeth with the way he was grinding them. Being under-appreciated and treated like a child were his most sensitive sore spots, and she wasn't just touching on them, she was ramming into them with eighteen tons each of bitch-don't-care attitude.

"Chief..." Terry said, tightly suppressing his homicidal instincts, "What is she on about? Who is she, _exactly? _And why should I care, _exactly?_ And why is she still alive, _exactly?_"

"Was that a threat?" she said, narrowing her eyes. "I'm warning you, I've destroyed skyscrapers with one blow. I have more cosmic power in one strand of hair than eight hundred of you would if you all joined together, you freak of nature. Don't think I'll give you sympathy just because your parents didn't love you enough to care what would happen to you as a baby, and don't think I'll care if you make a hole through my stomach. _She's_ the only one that'll die, I'll just find another host." She gestured to her torso with that last part, and then gave a smirk. "I might even use _your_ body; it'd be a lot easier to do heavy lifting. Right now I have to use _effort._ I'll admit, it'd be weird not having breasts; I've grown accustomed to them, perhaps even fond. But you humans are all the same, in any case, so it doesn't really matter in the end."

This was getting _confusing_ and_ dangerous._ I needed to do something quick, before everyone killed each other with what were apparently hidden, unprecedented super powers that they'd managed to keep secret from me and everyone else around them. Seriously, how does everybody keep doing that? The whole freaking _world_ seems to know _everything_ about my abilities, except for _me!_ I needed to ask them what their secret was, but first...

"Order of business!" I shouted as loudly as I could muster, causing everyone to pause for a moment and glare at me. "Uh... Kelly! Karri... Ms. Simpson...?"

"I'll go by Karri; Kelly is the body's name, not mine."

"RIGHT! Whatever. So, Karri, if you want to be part of our group, you must first prove yourself by finding a supernatural or paranormal being or artifact!" She opened her mouth to say something, but I quickly cut her off. _"And it can't be anyone in the club! _We've already found them, so it doesn't really help us at all." She shrugged, but agreed anyway.

"Meh, I had nothing better to do. Do Inhibitors count?"

"I don't know what that is..."

"They're... what do you call them? People with mind powers. Psychics, psychopaths, ESP powered individuals...?"

"Espers?"

"That'll do for now. In any case, there's one outside the school, I'll bring him here and that'll fulfill the mission. Later, peeps." She left the room, leaving the door wide open, and I breathed a sigh of relief.

Kaiba got up and slammed the door shut, angrily. "What the _Hell_ was her problem!" He huffed and puffed, and started pacing to control his anger.

"I know how you feel." I said. "I just wanted her out of here, before everyone started killing each other. She's a bad influence, I think we should find a way to keep her away from the rest of you. Or atleast get used to all those casual insults. I don't _think_ she meant most of it; I got a sense that she just didn't know how to communicate properly."

"Those weren't just poor communications skills back there; she hates everything in the world, including us!" Kaiba yelled again.

"I know, I know." I said to him. "It's just... I have a lot to deal with right now. So much is happening, I... I just don't know what I'm supposed to do, or what I even _want_ to do. For now, I'll let you guys sort this out. What do you think we should do? Terry? Yuki?" I looked at them expectantly. Yuki didn't do anything to respond, and Terry was sitting with his face on a desk. He looked depressed.

"Terry?" I said, walking up to him. "Are you doing alright?"

He didn't respond. I sat down in a desk next to him, and Kaiba sat on the ground by Terry's seat.

"...it looks like the cat is out of the bag, Kaiba." He said to his younger looking cousin. "I wonder what'll happen to me, now? Oka-san... Mother said that if anyone found out, I would..."

"It'll be fine, it'll be okay!" Kaiba said earnestly. "That cynical bitch has some sort of psychic power, it's not your fault that she found out! And she called Yuki an alien, which means that she can't go to the government or she'll be sent to Area 51! And Bunny Boy... Chief wouldn't tell anyone! He may seem like the type to blab, depending on his mood, but he keeps secrets well! He hasn't told anyone about my secrets! So... yeah..."

Terry looked over at Kaiba for a few seconds, with an inspective look on his face. Kaiba was staring at his hands, fidgeting. Or perhaps it was his wrists that he was staring at. Yuki, like before, had not moved a nanometer from her position.

"_Your_ secret..." Terry said, thoughtfully. "So... you really are in the closet?"

**"NO, YOU BASTARD, WHY DO YOU KEEP SAYING THAT!"**

Terry started laughing heartily, and I couldn't help but join in. We weren't laughing at Kaiba's expense, something about the whole situation just seemed funny to us.

"Hey, Chief." Terry said to me. It was the first time he had called me that. "I don't suppose I could ask you to live up to Kaiba's expectations, and keep my secret for me? I would really appreciate it if you did, and it would really help in my life. It's kind of a big deal for me."

I smiled at him. "Don't you worry. I still don't even know what your whole secret is! But if you ever decide to tell me, I'll be sure to keep it. It's not like I'm in this game for the benefit of civilization or the advancement of human knowledge or anything grand like that; I'm just living my life, where ever it may lead."

Terry smiled back, big and bright. "That's a pretty awesome philosophy right there; I approve! From now on, we're brothers; screw genetics! You're a better brother than any of my biological ones, I can tell you that!"

Just before he finished his sentence, the door slammed open. Karri waltzed right in, followed by a tall, well dressed man.

"Johnathan Smith, what is the meaning of this! This offensive young girl comes right up to my car, starts beating the windows, and then tells me that my 'young prisoner' is looking for me. What the** HELL!**"

It was my step-father. My step-father was what Karri referred to as an "Inhibitor." A psychic. An esper.

Like Koizumi.

"What is going on in here?" Ms. Asahina said, walking in the room with a sheet of paper in hand. "Who are you, sir, why were you yelling, and what are you doing in this school? I'm afraid there there are rules to be followed, no matter WHAT your business here is, and as a teacher it is my duty to make sure that the rules are followed." She stared a little closer at him. "Oh, I see. Still, rules are rules, I must ask that you leave the premises."

"I was just on my way out!" my step-father said. "Come along, Johnathan."

"What?" I said, confused. Too much was happening, things were moving too fast. "B-but Dad! I don't want to leave, I'm still busy with club stuff and-!"

"Those don't matter right now, I am your legal guardian and I pay all the bills and maintain our home! I have no problem with you joining 'clubs' but this one is suspicious, and I want to have a word with you about the _company_ you keep!" He glared at Karri with the last part, and she carefully backed away and rushed to my side.

"See, _this_ is why I hate Inhibitors." she whispered conspicuously into my ear. "That and the inhibiting. But honestly, what a plain name you have! I can see why you chose to use a nickname, even one as unfitting as 'Bunny Boy.' Honestly, _Johnathan Smith?_ What kind of lousy parent names her kid _John Smith_?"

"Password accepted." Yuki said, but nobody seemed to notice. "Engaging parameters. Activating sequence. Countdown initiated. Ten. Nine. Eight."

Everything was moving too fast. Ms. Asahina and my step-father were arguing, Karri was whispering random thoughts and rude remarks into my ear, Kaiba and Terry were awkwardly trying to take up as little space as possible, and Yuki wouldn't stop counting to herself; my teacher was a time traveler, my father was an esper, Yuki was an alien, Karri was some sort of celestial entity, Terry was some government conspiracy that Karri called a freak, and Yuki would _NOT STOP COUNTING! **WHY CAN'T TIME JUST SHUT UP AND STAND STILL!**_

"Two. One. Program successfully initiated. Temporal flow halted." And just like that, a reality defying wish of mine came true again, as time stopped before my very eyes.

I was almost missing my normal life. But atleast things were quiet. No one could move except myself, and Yuki. And Yuki was the one I understood best, considering what I was learning about the others. If I had to be stuck with one of them, I'm not complaining that it was an old friend like Yuki.

Atleast it wasn't that damned Ryoko Asakura.


End file.
